Pushing no buttons with the iPhone

I’ve given up on trying to convince my PC-using friends to switch to the Mac.

Whenever I find myself getting yanked into one of those Mac vs. PC smackdowns, I take a deep breath, a figurative step back, and calmly say: “Stick to your PC. It’s probably better for your needs.” If there were thought bubbles in the real world, you’d also see one materialize above my head: “Besides, you get what you pay for!”

That’s been my plan for dealing with Apple skeptics over the last year or so. This passive-aggressive attitude of mine surely hasn’t won Apple any new customers, but how many folks did I win over when I used to really argue about it? Maybe two. I don’t think Apple needs me on their guerilla marketing team. It clearly knows how to advertise.

At some point, I simply decided to let Apple’s products speak for themselves. There are undoubtedly sophisticated reasons behind why people love some products and essentially hate the rest. People will come to the Mac—and all of Apple’s other products—when they’re ready. If they’re never ready, or if they insist on paying the bare minimum for their life-enhancing tools, so be it.

But now, here comes the iPhone. I haven’t touched one yet, but I will stand in line for a long time to get one. I desire one: heartily, enthusiastically, and with gusto. Mucho gusto. How can I not tell everyone I know—and everyone who cares to listen—just how cool it is?

I did just that last night, over dinner with friends. I busted into full evangelical mode over chili verde at a tasty new restaurant and let everyone know—including the poor saps at neighboring tables, I’m sure—just how awesome, brilliant, life-altering, and revolutionary this new iPod/Internet/camera/high-def/wide-screen/touch-screen/WiFi/Bluetooth phone was going to be.

I was halfway into my best-thing-since-sliced-bread spiel when the nit-picking questions started pouring in: Does it have GPS? Can I get it with Verizon? Will it work with Outlook?

“No, no, and no,” I replied.

“It sure is expensive,” one friend said.

“Yes,” I said, “I suppose it is expensive.”

I thought long and hard.

“Maybe you should just stick to your current phone. It’s probably better for your needs,” I said calmly.

The rest of you can start loading your ammo. I’m sitting this one out.

All’s I know is: I want one.

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