The Macalope Weekly: Delicious rumors

Spring is almost here, dear readers, and rumors are in full bloom, just like the wildflowers on the fields of the high mountain plains on the edge of the great forest where this mythical beast makes his home.

The Macalope’s doctor (well, he’s a vet, technically, but he also has a degree in electrical engineering) says they’re not good for him, but you only go around once! Let’s eat some!

The oracle of Dellphone

Hey, kids, it’s time to perform the ritual sacrifice to resurrect the unholy spirit of “Dell Dude” Ben Curtis, because those “Dude, you’re getting a call on your Dellphone!” ringtones aren’t going to make themselves.

What? He’s still alive? Okay, well, whatever the case, get him into the green room stat because several separate rumors this week indicate Dell’s iPhone KILLAH!!!1!!ONE!! exists and may be coming to a trash bin of technology near you soon.

As for early reviews, a BusinessWeek source said the phone was based on Android and is “pretty nice” but he wasn’t “that blown away” by it.

Wow! Can you feel the Dellmentum?!

No?

Maybe you should try inhaling some more gas.

Read more...

Vaguetastic!

Speaking of the iPhone, if you love your rumors vague but “100 percent confirmed” (AAA+++ RATING! SHIPMENT RECEIVED ON TIME AND UNDAMAGED! WOULD BUY RUMORS FROM SELLER AGAIN!), then you’ll love the latest from the Boy Genius Report.

Other than the not terribly surprising inclusion of a U-verse application that will allow you to control your home AT&T DVR, the rest of the “100 percent confirmed” rumor “100 percent confirms” that the next iPhone will be faster and have more features than the current one.

100 percent for sure!

The Macalope tends to think what “100 percent confirms” this report is the fact that it all reads like it was pulled directly from Stan Sigman’s cue cards.

The Macalope was unfamiliar with AT&T’s U-verse (motto: “We replaced ‘ni’ with a dash! Did you see what we did there?!”) so he surfed over to AT&T’s site to check it out and…well, frankly, he’s still not exactly sure what it is. But it’s textbook AT&T, because only an AT&T demo would invite you to “sit back and make yourself at home”.

Um, the Macalope is at home, geniuses.

Good lord.

Leaks are good!

Rumors continue to swirl (any good style guide will tell you that rumors must always “swirl”, like anything that you’d find in the toilet bowl) about an Apple tablet device coming later this year. An Australian outfit called Smarthouse (and with a name like “Smarthouse”, etc., etc. etc.) says loose lips at LG are flapping that the company’s screens will be used in the upcoming Apple netbook tablet thingamabob (tip o’ the antlers to the Apple Blog).

For those not familiar with LG, it’s a Korean firm and the acronym is supposed to stand for “Life’s Good” (presumably when surrounded by the warm glow of electronic devices).

Personally, the Macalope prefers the company’s old name, Lucky Goldstar, which somehow reminds him of the monster movies of his youth while also sounding like the name of a Viper pilot.

Or a stripper.

Or both.

At any rate, LG should probably ixnay on the umorsray before Steve Jobs gets back if it wants to keep possibly making screens for yet-to-be-seen Apple devices. Or life might not be so good.

(See what the Macalope did there?)

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