The Macalope Weekly: The WWDC/Pre show

We don’t know what’s coming next week, but one thing’s for sure, the pressure on Apple is either in the “on” or “off” position. And a Microsoft executive asks, what’s in a name? The Macalope says a netbook, by any other name, would still cramp your fingers and break after three months of use.

An actual competitor? What’s that gonna be like?

Gear up, everyone, because it’s do or die for the iPhone! That’s right, if Apple doesn’t cause the glass in Moscone Center to shatter on Monday, Palm and RIM are poised to eat not only Apple’s metaphorical lunch, but its literal lunch! That’s right! Say goodbye to your couscous, Steve Jobs!

Wait, is that right? Or can Apple just phone this one in? The iPhone’s already sittin’ pretty. It’s up to the other guys to show they can actually deliver.

Well, frankly, based on the reviews of the Pre, the horny one’s more inclined to think that Apple better not have spent August to December of last year partying and then slept from January to April, only to awake in some strange hotel and realize it was time to start working on the iPhone.

Today, Gene Munster’s trying to lower expectations for Monday and if there’s ever a group that needs better expectation-setting, it’s Apple fans.

But, after Macworld Expo, Apple better at least be prepared to deliver some thunder on Monday. This is its show, after all.

Here we are now. Entertain us.

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Make up your own! It’s fun for the whole family!

If the rumors are to believed, Apple will be bringing back the 4 GB iPhone at a $99 price point, adding video capture and editing and even video chat, a compass, an FM tuner, a nail file and tweezers, cork screw and…

Oh, you know this joke.

But none of these specific features are all that interesting to the Macalope. Sure, a compass could be handy up here on the high mountain plains, but there’s nothing on this list that really makes the horny one’s antlers straighten out into cartoon exclamation marks.

The Macalope’s personal dark-horse favorite is one he hasn’t seen anyone talk about for a while: games on the Apple TV. He doesn’t really think this will come on Monday, but he doesn’t think an FM tuner is coming either, so…

Say what?

But enough about WWDC! Come on, people! The world doesn’t revolve around Apple, you know! No, to hear Microsoft’s Steven Guggenheimer talk about it, not only does the world revolve around Microsoft, so does reality itself.

Guggenheimer is General Manager of Application Platform and Development Marketing at the Great Satan of the Pacific Northwest and if it were up to him, all things would be titled as awkwardly as he is. The General Manager of Application Platform and Development Marketing’s current flash of brilliance is to rename those precocious little things we like to call “netbooks” to “low cost small notebook PCs.”

Awesome. You just confirmed every stereotype we had about General Managers of Application Platform and Development Marketing.

The Macalope thinks you may be a little late on this—the netbook name is pretty entrenched—but he loves your idea, Steve. Hey, to keep it short, instead of saying “low cost small notebook PC” we could just say “LoCo”.

Actually, we could say that about you, too. You know, just to keep it short.

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