The Macalope Weekly: Wrong, wrong, wrong!

Everyone’s got it wrong this week! Fake Steve says the Mac is dead, Fortune gets burned trying to slam the iPhone 4, and an eWeek pundit turns a top ten list into a stupid pet trick. The Macalope knows we’re only days from graduation, but that’s it! You’re all repeating the third grade!

Elvis has not left the building

Ever since Apple announced this year’s generally Mac-less WWDC there’s been a lot of speculation about the fate of your favorite desktop computing platform. This week, Dan Lyons—seemingly in an effort to stir up emotions and links—threw a bunch of gas on the fire by writing a piece provocatively titled R.I.P., Macintosh.

Do not bother to say “No, he dih-unt!”, because the Macalope assures you, girlfriend, he did. He even called out Macworld and the brown and furry one himself.

To anyone out there who thinks yesterday’s radio silence on the Macintosh was not significant, or who still is attempting to build a business around the—and, yes, I’m talking to you, Macworld magazine, and Macworld Expo, and Mac Life, and Macalope, and MacTech, and MyMac, and MacUser, and all the rest of you—well, dear friends, listen up.

The future of Apple is no longer centered around the Macintosh. You Mac guys just got kicked to the curb, relegated to the steaming dung heap of the past.

“Steaming dung heap”? Well, the Macalope knew you were flamboyant, Dan, but he didn’t know you were such a master link-baiter.

Read more...

As Macworld’s Dan Moren wondered, does Lyons think all the Macalope and those others he mentioned can’t talk at length about the iPhone simply because they have “Mac” in their name? The long-suffering Mrs. Macalope would beg to differ.

The Macalope knows you’ve been to a Macworld Expo in the last three years, Mr. Lyons, because he’s seen you there. But you might want to have your prescription checked because you obviously missed the 9 million iPhone cases on the showroom floor.

At any rate, Lyons is simply poking the bee’s nest. The title says “R.I.P, Macintosh”, but Lyons makes sure to cover his behind:

To be sure, Apple won’t kill off the Mac.

But you just said…! Grrrr.

Lyons was wrong the first time and right the second time. Apple may sell more iOS-based devices than Mac OS-based ones and it will certainly replace the Mac for certain tasks, but that doesn’t mean the Mac’s going anywhere anytime soon.

There’s absolutely no denying that the Mac is less important to Apple than it was ten years ago. But as the Macalope has pointed out before, don’t go hating on the iPod, iPhone, and iPad for stealing the limelight. Without them, we wouldn’t still be using Macs today.

Steve Jobs subsequently took exception to Lyons’ column, saying the Fake Him is “completely wrong” and suggesting Apple has something in store for the Mac that doesn’t involve a casket.

The Macalope’s inclined to take Jobs at his word, since the Mac business is still a pretty big part of the company’s P&L statement. Although, we shouldn’t be surprised if the next iterations borrow elements from their small siblings. That wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

Oops

Fortune’s Seth Weintraub seems to have a little problem with cause and effect.

After iPhone 4 announcement, Sprint’s EVO sells out.

Wow. It launched Monday afternoon and sold out in a day?!

Uh, no. It started selling over the weekend and Sprint announced it had sold out after Apple revealed the iPhone 4.

For those waiting to see what Apple had to offer (Sprint iPhone anyone?) at its unveiling of the iPhone 4 before deciding what to buy, the news is bittersweet. Clearly, some of the people who were on the fence chose to go the EVO route, so that has to be comforting to Android lovers.

This is a little confusing. If they bought the EVO before the iPhone was even announced, how could they have been “on the fence”?

Anyway, still bad news for Apple and good news for Google, right? Yeah, funny thing about that. Turns out Sprint made a teensy little math error. They overestimated the sales by a factor of three. Really. Electronista notes:

The dropped estimate is a blow not just to Sprint but to Google, which treated the Evo 4G as its leading Android phone at Google I/O and even gave the phone to all of its US-based developers at the conference instead of Google’s own Nexus One.

Ouch. Weintraub’s “correction” reads, in its entirety:

Update: Sprint has revised their numbers downwards.

[slow, insulting golf clap] Bra-vo, Fortune. Way to inform your readers.

From the home office in Jerksville, North Dakota

The Macalope would love to have Don Reisinger’s job over at eWeek, which seems to be nothing more than slapping together a 10-point list every few days. The lists don’t even need to make sense (like when he argued against buying the iPad before it was even announced)—apparently, they just have to have ten things on them. Don’s latest is 10 Reasons Why A Netbook Is A Better Choice Than An iPad.

1. The Keyboard

The Macalope’s not sure the keyboards on some netbooks are any better than the iPad’s virtual keyboard, but it’s certainly true that a physical keyboard is usually better for extended typing. You could always buy one for the iPad, but that increases its cost. So, OK.

2. Windows …

Windows is a better operating system than iPhone OS. It’s that simple.

Better at what, Don? Taking up disk space? Using up memory?

3. Flash, Anyone?

Battery life, anyone? Stability anyone?

4. Software Is Everything

Apple’s App Store is certainly a leader in the smartphone space. With well over 200,000 applications, there are undoubtedly many apps that users will find valuable. But the App Store still pales in comparison to the compatibility of netbooks running Windows.

Yes. And apps optimized for more powerful hardware always run so awesome on low-end processors with lousy graphics. Use an iPad and a netbook for a few days and tell the Macalope truthfully which one feels faster.

5. The iPad Is First-Gen …

Netbooks, on the other hand, have been around longer. And although anything can happen to hardware, they might be more reliable…

Yeah, you’re right. That 91 percent customer satisfaction rating for the iPad is probably meaningless.

So, now we reach #6 and already Don’s grasping at straws. But he’s gotta get to 10! Can he do it?!

6. Productivity Means Something

More productive time at work means more time for play. Plus, in the corporate world, productivity is what drives revenue. Realizing that, companies should be looking for the device that can deliver the best opportunity to increase user productivity. That won’t necessarily happen with the iPad. As mentioned, the device’s keyboard can’t compare to a standard physical keyboard. It’s also worth noting that iPhone OS is a hobbled alternative to Windows. If productivity is what a user covets, the netbook is still the best option by a wide margin. It’s hard for Apple or any tablet fan to dispute that.

Sure he can! Don’s an old pro at this. All he has to do is make #6 the extended dance remix of numbers 1, 2 and possibly 3. It is true, however, that the iPad won’t necessarily increase productivity. But only if you install Plants vs Zombies.

DAAAAMN YOU, PLANTS VS ZOMBIES!!!

7. The Best iPad Hasn’t Hit Store Shelves Yet …

Meanwhile, the best netbooks are already available. Why settle for second place?

Apparently, according to Reisinger, netbooks have reached the pinnacle of technological achievement and will not be enhanced in the future.

Seriously. That must be what he’s saying, right? It’s either that or his argument doesn’t make any senseOHHH WAIT…

8. No Multitasking

It’s true. The iPad won’t have multitasking until later in the year. Don doesn’t say why you need multitasking, of course, because hey, he just found another item and he’s only got two more to go before he can knock off for the day!

Hmm. Speaking of multitasking, the Macalope wonders if he’s going to mention battery life?

(Hint: HE’S NOT GOING TO MENTION BATTERY LIFE.)

9. Price Plays A Part …

The iPad currently retails for $499 up to $829. Compare that to netbooks, which can be purchased for as little as $199…

It’s true. If price is your primary consideration, a netbook might be right for you. But if usability is your primary consideration, an iPad might be right for you.

And if completing a list of ten items is your primary consideration, then rehashing arguments from 1990 about the relative cost of Apple products while ignoring their increased utility might be right for you.

10. The iPad only comes from Apple, and the only option the customer has is to choose between six different versions of the device. Netbooks come in all shapes and sizes from a variety of vendors.

That’s right! You can get this thing from someone who really cares about the design and quality of their products, or you can get a piece of crap from any number of yahoos. Choose wisely.

You know what? After reading this, the Macalope’s changed his mind. He doesn’t want Reisinger’s job. Making the lists probably doesn’t take much time, but trying to shower off all the shame afterward probably does.

Subscribe to the Help Desk Newsletter

Comments