The Macalope Weekly: Vanilla Sky

[Editors’ Note: Each week the Macalope skewers the worst of the week’s coverage of Apple and other technology companies. In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.]

Netbook makers have tried to make their own reality, but it’s time to wake up: the iPad’s eating your lunch. And what’s the reality about Android? Verizon provides an awkward answer for the platform’s fans. Finally, the Galaxy Tab cometh! And, according to Google, it bringeth an unoptimized experience!

Stages of grief

Haven’t we reached acceptance yet?

Barely a month after its release, some were claiming the iPad was already eating into netbook sales. Even the horny one thought that was premature.

Since then, though, we’ve had admissions by the CEO of ASUS, shocking revelations by the CEO of Best Buy and stunning findings from Changewave. Now even Microsoft says it’s true.

Cue the pathetic cries of the CEO of Acer (TECH SUPPORT!) if you want, but let’s accept that this isn’t just a bad dream for netbook makers. This is reality.

Look what they’ve done to my song, ma!

In these difficult times of high unemployment, an uncertain political landscape and the continued popularity of Glee, it’s nice to be able to rely on one thing. And that thing is that iOS will always equal closed and Android will always equal open.

Verizon has posted notice of an upcoming update to the HTC Droid Incredible that has already drawn controversy. Along with typical updates, the update next week will bring the V Cast Apps store for the first time. Customers won’t have an option of declining the store.

Hmm. Isn’t there also some parable about an emperor? And something about his vestments?

It’ll come to the Macalope in a minute.

Desperately seeking something

Once again, it’s time to play “Is It Competition Yet?”, the non-musical game where we look at potential iPad competitors and wonder aloud, “Are they eating paint chips or what?”

There’s a lot of buzz about the Samsung Galaxy Tab, which is set to launch in the U.S. next week. Of all the potential “iPad killers,” this seems likely to be the one that will not be an utter embarrassment. Samsung’s CEO expects to sell about a million units this year and a million is a really big number so you know it’s going to be great. Or great-ish.

Google has warned developers that Android 2.2 isn’t tablet ready and has suggested that most should wait for a future release such as Honeycomb before making the leap. The tablet-optimized OS isn’t believed to be shipping until early 2011.

Enjoy your less-than-optimal experience, 1 million Galaxy Tab users! At $600 for a 7-inch device. The reason it’s a 7-inch device, according to the BBC’s Rory Cellan-Jones (tip o’ the antlers to RTH PJM), is because Google won’t let larger devices access the app marketplace until Honeycomb comes out.

Cellan-Jones reviewed the Galaxy Tab under the bemusing title “Samsung Galaxy Tab enters crowded tablet PC market.” Crowded? This market? Maybe he means “crowded with iPads.”

This probably isn’t a big surprise, but the Macalope’s inclined to agree with Steve Jobs when he says that a 7-inch tablet isn’t going to be a real winner. Problem for device manufacturers is, there isn’t an operating system out there yet designed for anything bigger, not until Honeycomb ships.

Don’t feel bad Android manufacturers. Remember, Apple was working on the tablet before the iPhone. So it’s not necessarily that they’re better at execution than you are, it’s that they have far more foresight.

Also, they’re better at execution.

Well… maybe you’ve got a nice personality.

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