The Macalope Daily: Rough around the edges

Cult of Mac’s Ed Sutherland is the latest to drag the iPhone nano rumors out into the light and it’s a specula-riffic read. Let’s lay this out:

We recently wrote about Avian Securities’ belief the iPhone nano will appear in 2012. The device was described as “streaming-only.” This fits in with Apple’s recent moves to solidify its iCloud service, since the iPhone Nano would be devoid of memory, relying almost totally on cloud-based storage and streaming.

So, we have an entirely new product line revolving around a theoretical infrastructure and the source is a firm that no one had ever heard of before last month when it said the iPhone 5 wouldn’t ship until 2012.

So, you know, you can go to the bank with this one.

According to Sutherland, this fits perfectly with a comment Tim Cook made during the last quarterly conference call about wanting to change Apple’s image of being “just for the rich.”

Are you literally at the bank now cashing your iPhone nano checks? Why the heck not?!

Other than having no memory, how else will this phone be cheap? Well, it’ll also ship “without a data plan or carrier contract.”

An iPhone nano costing about the same as an iPod touch and free of carrier restrictions would operate like the iPad Wi-Fi, intimately tied to Apple’s core software distribution.

No, seriously, just walk up to the teller and yell:

“I WANT TO CASH THIS IPHONE NANO CHECK THE APPLE RUMOR MILL WROTE ME THEY TOLD ME IT WAS GOOD AS GOLD. LOOK, JUST GIVE ME MY IPHONE NANO MONEY. WHAT IS SO HARD ABOUT THIS? UGH, WHAT IS IT, OFFICER?”

OK, now, really, before you create an incident at the bank, maybe you can solve a few puzzlers about the iPhone Nano that have the Macalope scratching his head just between the right ear and antler.

The phone is “tied to Apple’s core software distribution,” which presumably means apps, because who wants an iPhone without apps?

But this is a memory-less phone.

That receives all of its media from “the cloud.”

And yet has no data plan.

Oookay.

The Macalope’s not blaming Sutherland per se, nor is he even denying that Apple might eventually deliver a cheap iPhone Nano and that it might feature streaming media. He’s just saying that, while he’s no Steve Jobs, he’s pretty sure not all the kinks have been worked out of this rumor just yet.

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