The Macalope Daily: Penguin caught in the crossfire

Apparently, some people were upset because the Macalope made a few jokes at the expense of open source in Saturday’s column. So let the Macalope clear some things up.

Now, the brown and furry one knows what you’re saying: “Open-source advocates taking things too seriously? Now I’ve seen everything.” But, no, it’s true.

The Macalope’s not going to link to any of them, because these are nice people who don’t need a mob of angry Apple zealots who worship at the church of Steve Jobs cult zealots virgin sacrifice to the altar of Steve iJobssczzzzzzzzzzt

Whoops, looks like the ol’ Applereligionator is on the fritz. Sorry about that.

Anyway, the Macalope guesses he should say something nice about open source to show he doesn’t really have anything against it.

Um…

HE’S THINKING, OK?!

No, no, no, people, people. Come on. These are just jokes. Some of the Macalope’s best friends are based on open source. The horny one plays racquetball with Tux, for heaven’s sake. He thinks it’s great. Really. How could he not? There’s a mess of open-source software in the operating system running in his head. If the Mac were to go away tomorrow, which operating system do you think the horny one would switch to? Windows?

Right. As if. (There is some sort of OS X skin for Ubuntu, right?)

Of course a bigger problem would be that, if the Mac went away tomorrow, the Macalope wouldn’t have a head. Ugh, he’d hate to go in to get a head transplant and walk out with some steampunk casemod. This is why he has a “do not resuscitate” order.

Whoops, he’s doing it again. OK, OK. Let the Macalope be clear about something. When he gores a piece by Katherine Noyes he might poke some fun at open source, but he does so with love. He’s really just doing it to get under Noyes’s skin. He thought that was obvious. It’s not like he when he pokes fun at, well, Flash, for example. Good lord.

There are even instances where the Macalope thinks open-source software should be used exclusively, like voting machines. The be-antlered critter remembers when they ran on Access databases. [shudder] If they still do, for God’s sake don’t tell the Macalope. He doesn’t want to know.

And don’t turn the comments into a political flame war! During these difficult economic times can’t we come together and recognize we’re all united in our hatred of Flash?

The Macalope’s point in Saturday’s column was simply that Noyes’s contention—that Apple will have to be more open if it wants to continue to be successful—is ridiculous. Hence all the ridicule. Not that open is bad, just that there is no direct correlation between it and success.

He meant every nasty word he said in that column about Nick Farrell, though. That guy’s a jackass.

[Editors’ Note: In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.]

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