The Macalope Daily: Marketing conspiracy theories

Early reports last Friday indicated that Apple’s Jack-Booted iThugs(TM) had impersonated San Francisco police while searching an apartment for what is assumed to be a missing iPhone 5. Fortunately, Apple’s iThought Police were quickly dispatched to SFPD headquarters and initiated a full Reality Distortion Field protocol, causing the police to quickly cover up the incident by claiming they were, in fact, assisting.

Hmm. Sorry, the Macalope’s just trying out this Gizmodo text filter. It’s not bad but it could use some obnoxious religious references.

What’s funny about this incident is that some people—mostly those who don’t know the full details—seem to think that Apple is deliberately leaving these phones around. Apparently, enough people that the International Business Times went so far as to publish a story explaining why this is highly unlikely.

Over the weekend, the Macalope himself had two separate conversations with people who seemed to believe this was the case. This, of course, is just the public’s natural tendency to be distrusting and, at the same time, to try and look smart. They’re not really saying “Of course Apple left the iPhone in a bar and then spent several weeks quietly conducting what seems to have been a slightly heavy-handed search for it in order to gain publicity!” Because that doesn’t make any sense. No, what they’re saying is “I love elaborate conspiracy theories!”

That’s not to say that Apple never leaks anything. But if it were going to do so, there are easier ways than coyly leaving phones lying around. “WELL, I GUESS IT’S TIME FOR ME TO HEAD HOME AND LEAVE MY IPHONE 5 PROTOTYPE HERE ON THE BAR!”

Look, Apple has a shtick and, let’s face it, it works. It goes a little something like this: Don’t talk about a device until you’re ready to announce it. Seems simple, right? But it’s astounding how few companies a) get that, and b) have the discipline to enforce it internally.

HP is one of the most egregious recent examples. The company hyped the TouchPad, shipped it, then claimed it wasn’t the real launch date—that would be coming in a few weeks.

Then it announced the next version of the TouchPad which would have 4G.

What a mess. No wonder they had to cut the price to $99 just to unload the things.

This is why the horny one doesn’t get why someone at Amazon decided to give MG Siegler a sneak peek at the company’s upcoming forked Android (Amazoid?) tablet.

OK, the Macalope is just a simple muncher of alfalfa, a ruminant with a keyboard, and he’s no marketing genius. But how hard is it to look at arguably the best marketers of the current age and say “We should probably do exactly what they’re doing”?

Amazon’s very good at what it does and the Macalope’s sure its tablet will do quite well. But, people. Come on. Get some of that old-time Apple religion.

Hey, there’s the religious reference!

[Editors’ Note: In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.]

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