The Macalope Daily: Oh, great

It’s time for another edition of ZDNet’s Great Debate, which asks the important questions about technology—such as “Which columnists don’t mind jumping through hoops like trained poodles in order to prop up false equivalences?”

This week’s battle royale pits the iPad against the Kindle Fire (tip o’ the antlers to the Four Misanthropes of the Apocalypse). Yes, it’s round after round of a thrilling tête-à-tête with Jason Hiner for the iPad side and Violet Blue for the Kindle Fire.

Why are they assuming these two devices are locked in a winner-take-all caged death match? Beats the Macalope. But he hopes you like your arguments fabricated out of whole cloth!

The Kindle Fire exceeded everyone’s expectations…

Uh, no, actually. Harry Marks has the links that disprove that. If there were referees in this game, Blue would have a penalty for just making crap up. But there aren’t, so onward to what’s wrong with the second half of Blue’s first sentence!

…making converts out of iPad fans.

Oh, totally. Because there’s nothing iPad fans want more than a slow and stuttering user experience wrapped in cheap hardware.

The Fire is a tablet for everyone…

Editor Ackbar says: “Your brain can’t repel trite platitudes of this magnitude!”

Plus, Prime customers can watch streaming movies and TV shows for free…

Free! ($79 subscription required. Void where prohibited by law.)

…the app marketplace isn’t censored the way that Apple’s is…

No! It’s censored in a different way which is significantly more awesome! Apparently!

The Fire is more durable than the iPad…

Plastic is just better than glass and aluminum. It just is! In all instances! Shut up!

People will want a Fire in addition to their iPad, and that won’t be true in reverse.

Why? Because Violet Blue said so, that’s why! Hiner is currently behind in the voting, apparently because ZDNet’s registered readers prefer pundits who aren’t going to let silly things like “lack of any actual evidence” stop them from making an argument.

Which, admittedly, is ZDNet’s target demographic.

Amazon’s App store is also far more friendly to developers than Apple’s…

Right, because it always works out so well for them when Amazon unilaterally decides to give their app away and give them nothing for the privilege.

Ugh. It goes on and on, but you get the general idea. While Blue thinks the Kindle Fire renders the iPad useless, Hiner more reasonably argues that both devices have their appeal. Which is why registered ZDNet readers think he’s a loser. The problem with these “debates” is that they tend to favor the person who’s willing to drive fastest around the bend of extremism, over the railing of sanity, and into the ravine of…well, whatever kind of ravine is full of crap like the Great Debate.

[Editors’ Note: Each week the Macalope skewers the worst of the week’s coverage of Apple and other technology companies. In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.]

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