The Macalope Daily: Satisfied

Cue up the Phil Collins because it turns out that, against all odds, the pundits were wrong about the iPhone 4S, which offers nothing but pure phoning satisfaction.

iPhone 4S satisfies 96 percent of owners, ChangeWave says

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Have these Apple zealots heard about Batterygate?

Actually, Billy the rhetorical-question-asking construct, they have.

(If you’re wondering, Billy’s not the Apple-hating jerk he sometimes seems to be. He was hired to be a foil and, though it’s sometimes a dirty job, he gets out there and does it. Because he’s a pro.)

The iPhone 4S’ persistent battery life issue was cited by 38 percent of respondents as the feature they “dislike most” about the smartphone.

Remember, they had to pick something they disliked the most. And who doesn’t want more battery life? Although, asking for more battery life on the iPad would just be being greedy.

Still, it doesn’t seem like that can be a very serious issue: Just 38 percent thought that was the biggest problem with the device, but 96 percent were still satisfied with the phone.

96 percent!

The Macalope can’t say that enough! It’s just a really big number! And if you’re not good with math you might not know that it’s just four shy of the highest possible number! It’s true!

Wait…one…two…

Yes, that’s right!

As a reminder, this is, of course, the disappointment of a phone that caused Apple’s fall from grace.

And pundits are still at it, of course. Still trying to make a big deal about the battery, trying to make a big deal about Siri’s supposed biases. You can forgive Samsung for making ads that mock the phone because, just like Billy, it’s got a job to do. But the supposed impartial leaders of our precious online technology discourse? Say it isn’t so, Joe Jackson.

(Not the New Wave crooner. The baseball player.)

So, again, the iPhone 4S is selling incredibly well, users are immensely satisfied by it, Apple continues to make tons of money, and pundits continue to be wrong.

So… nothing new really. Please go about your business. Sorry for disturbing you.

[Editors’ Note: Each week the Macalope skewers the worst of the week’s coverage of Apple and other technology companies. In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.]

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