The Macalope Daily: Chasing unicorns

The Apple TV (no, not that Apple TV) is back in the news, and by “news” the Macalope means various anonymous rumors, which are surely just as good as news.

Now the Wall Street Journal is in on the game, having chatted with several anonymous entertainment industry executives—and we all know how they’re an honest folk, without ulterior motives or axes to grind.

So, seriously, you can take these anonymous rumors to the anonymous bank and anonymously deposit them.

Apple has worked on technologies for integrating DVR storage and iCloud, its online syncing and storage service, into the device, according to a person briefed on the matter.

The Macalope would suggest that either the Wall Street Journal’s Jessica E. Vascellaro is not sure what a DVR is or the entertainment industry executive she spoke with thought they were playing buzzword bingo. And thought he was losing, so he felt the need to take shot after shot of Jägermeister, and then just got in over his head.

Indeed, one can see how he might have thought this, as this Journal report is a veritable grab-bag of technology buzzwords. Apparently the device will be voice- and movement-controlled, and will sync to iCloud so you can watch your DVR-ed shows as you fly to lunar orbit in your jet-propelled Apple car. And then it gets crazy.

Note to Vascellaro: You have to to let the rumor Jell-O set first, otherwise it just gushes out of the mould and splorps off the side of the plate and onto the floor of our disbelief.

There has been a bit of a backlash from certain technology pundits about the ridiculous state of Apple television set rumors. Adrian Kingsley-Hughes has been hammering on what he calls the “unicorn” rumors:

The problem with all these Apple TV rumors is that no one can come up with a single compelling reason why Apple should go into the business of making TVs.

This is true. But the horny one has said for years that while rumors do not mean Apple is going to make something, they also don’t mean it isn’t going to make it, either (see: iPhone circa 2006).

It would, however, help if news and rumor outlets were a little more staid in their decisions to run certain pieces, and perhaps couched the ones they do run in more careful terms. Ha-ha, yes, very funny, Mr. Macalope, why don’t you ask for a mythical animal while you’re at it?

Like an Apple television set.

[Editors’ Note: Each week the Macalope skewers the worst of the week’s coverage of Apple and other technology companies. In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.]

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