The Macalope Daily: Fun with headlines

Today we have two examples of a fun activity you can do with the kids at home on a snowy day: making up salacious headlines!

Heck, it’s not that hard! Even little Trevor can do it! And he’s an infant!

Let’s watch as the accuracy of each headline melts away before your eyes.

“Author Says Forstall Wants Apple CEO Gig” - The Mac Observer

That is a correct headline! Good for you, Mac Observer!

“Scott Forstall seen next in line as Apple CEO” - Silicon Valley/San Jose Business Journal

Uh, yes, but you mean by this one guy who wrote a book about Apple.

“Apple’s Scott Forstall Will Be Tech Giant’s Next CEO [Report]” - Cult of Mac

Buh-whaaa?

First of all, as Shawn King rightly notes (foul language alert), this isn’t a “report.” It’s someone’s opinion. Second, that doesn’t seem to be an accurate representation of his opinion. According to the quotes, Inside Apple author Adam Lashinsky says Forstall has the desire and the talent, and boy does he have the desire (did we mention he has the desire?), but at this point it’s anyone’s guess who could be Apple’s next CEO. Heck, the new CEO smell hasn’t even worn off on Tim Cook.

Of course, headlines don’t have to be wrong to be salacious. Take, for example, what happens every time Steve Wozniak voices an opinion that runs counter to that of the company he helped found. You’ll find it plastered all over technology news sites and even on Fox News.

“Apple co-founder prefers Android to iPhone”

Presumably this is supposed to “mean” something, as in “Even Steve Wozniak prefers Android so Android must be better!”

See, the thing about Woz is that a) he’s completely his own man and b) he’s a rather odd man at that. Woz has other strange tastes, like metal business cards and Segways. Plural.

Let’s try rephrasing that headline.

“Segway rider prefers Android to iPhone”

Now which operating system comes out looking bad?

In retrospect, it’s probably better to take the kids outside to play in the snow rather than keeping them inside and forcing them to rewrite headlines. Even if the kids get nailed in the face by an ice ball or come down with a bad case of frostbite, they’ll probably still think it was more fun.

[Editors’ Note: In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.]

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