The Macalope Daily: Astrology

The Macalope has a new maxim:

Apple’s profit and revenue rise in direct proportion to the number of pieces written about how the company is crumbling before our eyes.

The horny one’s not even talking about those who use the Law of Large Numbers theory to argue that it has to fall eventually.

No, he’s more talking about those promulgating the idea that, while Apple’s obviously not melting down in any kind of tangible sense—which is kind of obvious—it is still melting down in the kind of way that only those with a sixth sense can see. Oh, by the numbers, the company is fine. But if you tilt it just right and look at it at this angle, you’ll see a frowny face. You don’t see it? Well, you don’t have the special eye that these pundits have.

Plus, let’s face it, you’re an Apple fanboi.

We probably shouldn’t expect much from Venture Beat. Ouija board reading, like what Jolie O’Dell foisted on us last week, is probably considered complex analysis over there. But you’d think that the Atlantic Wire would lean more on actual analysis than throwing bones.

Since Steve Jobs passed away, we’ve seen the release of two Apple products without any design innovations from a company that won gadgets users over with its well-designed products. Could this be the beginning of a TK trend?

The Macalope’s not sure what a “TK trend” is but it sounds bad. Acronym Finder lists some disturbing possibilities such as “Team Kill,” “Toby Keith,” and “True Klingon.” Apple employees walking around dressed in Klingon cosplay garb and singing country music would certainly kill a team.

The Atlantic Wire’s Rebecca Greenfield has apparently never heard of product life cycles before. Or getting the most out of product designs that are selling faster than you can make them.

Now, people have been predicting sudden death for Apple for years. But in the predictions of yore this death was always at the hands of one of its competitors. Now that it’s pretty obvious that Apple’s the gorilla with a thyroid problem, we’re told the company’s doom will come from inside. Either from a supposed brain drain or loss of creativity after Steve Jobs’ death or maybe just from that thyroid and the resulting obesity.

As the Macalope’s said, this isn’t analysis. It’s astrology. And it should be treated with the same level of respect.

(Final disclosure: the Macalope no longer holds any shares of Apple. Come Friday, he’ll be holding a new iPad instead.)

(Also, big tip o’ the antlers to @evilneuro who made the Pundit-Matic™ 3000 based on the Macalope’s Mad Libs punditry in Saturday’s column! It’s uncannily accurate!)

[Editors’ Note: In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.]

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