The Macalope Daily: Classy
The Macalope’s brilliant and nimble readers know he doesn’t link to Gizmodo. Why? Any number of reasons, but now you can add to the list the site’s poor taste in posting a picture of a zombie Steve Jobs’s hand coming out of a grave, as well as the impropriety of clumsily putting words in the late Apple CEO’s mouth.
Yes, Gizmodo’s Jesus Diaz has the temerity to bring us “10 Changes That Must Have Steve Jobs Rolling In His Grave.”
Hey, Jesus, you know one of the things he really hated when he was alive? People buying property stolen from his employees. But, please, by all means, bottom feeders, tell us all about how far Apple has strayed from the path in the nine months since Jobs stepped down as CEO.
… Had he known its problems, it’s hard to imagine that he would have approved its release in a final product.
Because Apple never, ever shipped a flawed product in the history of the company under Steve Jobs.
You know, when Jobs died we were treated to a whole collection of yahoos complaining about how Apple fans were whitewashing Jobs’s history when we were really just accentuating the positive. Little did we know it would be the Apple bashers who’d go to greater extremes to whitewash Jobs’s history—in order to continue bashing the company.
2. 16:9 4-inch iPhone screen
First of all, where is this 16:9 4-inch iPhone of which you speak? Second, other things Jobs expressed his distaste for include television and shipping iTunes for Windows. Just because he said he didn’t like something doesn’t mean he wouldn’t change his mind or that he wasn’t just wrong.
3. Supply execs and managers in engineering meetings
This gets to another aspect of this list. Who cares if Jobs wouldn’t have liked it? He’s not running the company from beyond the grave, no matter how many stock photos you oh-so-amusingly slap Apple logos on. The veiled implication is that this will mean Apple will start pumping out crappy products. Call us when that happens.
(Note: not an actual invitation to “call us.” Ever.)
4. Negotiating with Google-puppet Samsung
Let’s forget the fact that these talks come because a federal judge ordered the two companies to sit down together.
5. That sh**y Apple TV user interface
Like #4, Diaz links to another Gizmodo piece that completely takes the air out of his point. In this case the engineer who claims Jobs didn’t like the new Apple TV interface explains why it still makes sense for the company to use it.
That’s not as useful when constructing what “ZOMBIE STEVE JOBS SMASH!”, though.
6. Making products with worse specs
Apparently the new iPad is somehow worse than the iPad 2. Who knew? Certainly not all the people buying them.
Ugh, look, even an ungulate can’t bear the stomach-churning this list inflicts. So let’s just whiz by charities, dividends, Foxconn leaks, and go straight to #10.
10. User interface details
This skeuomorphism thing is getting out of control. And there are a thousand little details that Apple is now f**ing up in their user interfaces. Something that Jobs would have never allowed, with his obsessive attention to detail.
Oh, totally. Except for the fact that, according to people who actually know people at Apple—instead of just ticking them off—Jobs was apparently the one who liked the leather look of Find My Friends. But, yes, other than being the actual proponent of what you’re talking about, he would never have allowed it.
This is certainly a great list, Jesus. Other than the items that are exactly backwards, misrepresent the issue, whitewash Jobs’s history, or are based on devices the company does not actually ship, we are left with …
Well, the title, which is merely offensive, and some of the punctuation. Good job! That’s actually an improvement for Gizmodo, isn’t it?
[Editors’ Note: In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.]