The Macalope Daily: Any two things remotely alike must be the same

The Macalope believes that getting people back to work is what will get the economy of this great nation rolling again. But if that means paying people to churn out ill-considered technology tripe, maybe we’re better off with a lousy economy.

“Is Apple fragmenting the iPhone?” (Tip o’ the antlers to Harry Marks)

A better questions would be “Is CNet’s Molly Wood furiously soldering together false equivalencies in her basement like a self-deluded and much lamer version of Tony Stark?”

Is it really possible after all this time that some tech writers are unfamiliar with Betteridge’s Law of Headlines? Because rarely has there been a more textbook example. Well, OK, every two weeks.

Wood has noticed that certain features of iOS 6 require an iPhone 4S or an iPad 2 or later. This is certainly notable and reasonable people can even argue over whether Apple’s just self-servingly trying to line the pockets of its solid gold pants with even more gold. But to compare it to the level of fragmentation present on Android? That makes the Macalope wonder if there is such a thing as weapons-grade bull hockey. Nuclear horse feathers. Atomic balderdash.

Could there come a future when not only do certain Apple apps and services run on some devices and not on others, but when this problem will start to plague third-party developers, as well?

Short answer: No. Long answer: Nooooooooooooo.

Unlike Android with its myriad devices of varying screen resolutions, processor speeds and memory that developers have to try to code to, this is a binary situation. The feature either works or it doesn’t.

[The currently selling iPhone 4] is less than a year old, and in Apple’s OS terms, it’s so obsolete it doesn’t get speech to text or turn by turn navigation, which have, for the past few years, been the two strongest arguments for getting an Android phone over an iPhone.

The argument against getting an Android phone, of course, is that carriers tend to treat them like the ironically-named “feature” phones (the ones that lack actual features) and never upgrade them. Buy an average Android phone and it’s quite probable that you won’t get any operating system upgrade or, if the carrier and OEM do deign to let you upgrade, you’ll only get to months after the OS is released.

Yes, it may suck that Apple won’t let older phones with competent hardware get new features, but the company is also not required to simply give things away, particularly when the competition doesn’t.

Even if true fragmentation never occurs, leaving the iPhone 4—a perfectly capable and powerful device—in the dust this soon is both unnecessary and inconsiderate.

As opposed to Apple’s competition, which are all altruistic non-profits.

Well, OK, they kind of are non-profits, but not deliberately.

[Editors’ Note: In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.]

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