The Macalope Daily: Enablers

The Surface isn’t the only topic on which some tech pundits are willing to spot Microsoft a few yards.

Yes, our friends at Gizmodo (note: not actual friends, void where prohibited) think Windows Phone 7 owners—who Microsoft announced will not be getting upgrades to Windows Phone 8—should just suck it up and take a hit for Team Looking Out For #1.

“Sorry, But Microsoft Screwing Windows Phone Fans Is the Right Thing To Do” (no link, blah, blah, blah)

Of course, there is a certain logic to the outfit that bought a stolen iPhone proclaiming that shafting customers is “the right thing to do.” Kudos to Gizmodo for consistently applying the tenets of social Darwinism!

Not a single smartphone out right now will be able to upgrade to Windows Phone 8. If you’re a recent customer, you might be frustrated. Rightfully so. But if you care about the dazzling future of Windows Phone, get over it.

Ask not what Windows Phone can do for you, but what you can do for Windows Phone! Like buy a new one. That’d be great.

Surely Gizmodo would have the same opinion if it were Apple.

Surely.

Mmm.

Strictly dictated specs kept the platform out of the horrible hell swamp of Android fragmentation, but they stymied the hardware; even the shining prince Lumia 900 is out of date on the inside. You getting “screwed” is how that gets fixed.

And it’s the fault of Windows Phone 7 owners for trusting Microsoft when buying their phones in the first place! Face it, you screwed up! You trusted them! Kind of like Zune owners and people who bought PlaysForSure songs and Windows ME and Windows Mobile and …

Well, it’s kind of a long list. We probably don’t have that much time.

And there’s simply no way to do it without drawing a line in the silicon. From this point forward, things will be great.

(Emphasis Gizmodo’s.)

Wow, do you really mean it this time?! Well, OK, then!

Microsoft swears each time is going to be different. Just one more chance, baby, please! Repeat every few years. Nokia, meanwhile, is complicit in this abuse:

“I think that ultimately your typical customer probably isn’t all that aware of this upgrade thing,” [Nokia’s Kevin Shields] says, referring to news about Windows Phone 8.

Yeah! And the typical customer better keep his mouth shut if he knows what’s good for him, you know what I’m sayin’?

Should people still buy a Lumia 900 in the wake of the Windows Phone 8 news? Shields certainly thinks so. “I feel really good about recommending the product,” he says…

OH, GOD, PLEASE BUY ONE, WE’RE DYING HERE.

Microsoft doesn’t owe anybody an upgrade (unless it promised one). But let’s not whitewash the crappy hand it’s dealt Windows Phone 7 owners.

[Editors’ Note: In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.]

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