The Macalope Daily: Cry me a river

The Macalope usually ignores the work of John C. Dvorak as he’s already admitted that his modus jerkerandi is trolling Apple fans, but this has to be seen to believed. Dvorak is no doubt just tweaking again, but at least he’s not getting the clicks this time.

To mark the fifth anniversary of the release of the iPhone, Buzzblog’s Paul McNamara contacted some writers who were incredibly, laughably wrong about the device and asked them to explain themselves. Few were so wrong as Dvorak, who said three months before the iPhone was launched that Apple should “pull the plug” on it. This being before any plug was actually put into the wall.

Dvorak, of course, contritely offered his apologies and explained that HAHAHAHA no! He blamed Apple, naturally!

“Wrong? Dvorak blames his ‘getting screwed over’ by Apple”

I had heard that some very select writers and analysts were shown the phone in advance; I wasn’t.

Really? Strange. Why would that be? Curious. Very odd. Literally no conceivable explanation.

Apple had a policy - and still does, NOT to even talk to anyone who has annoyed Steve Jobs in the past or present.

In your case, for “annoyed Steve Jobs” we can read “being wrong about Apple all the time.”

Other writers who are careful never to be more than only critical in an Apple approved way get full access as long as they tow the line.

Normally the Macalope wouldn’t be petty enough to call out a spelling mistake, but in Dvorak’s case he’ll make an exception. It’s “toe,” Mr. Big Shot Writer Guy, and remember that what we’re talking about is early access to devices. Apple hasn’t banned you from buying its products. Actually, if the company could do that, it would probably be a good idea, but it obviously wouldn’t stop you from writing about what a bad idea they are months before they hit the market.

If you’re an Apple shareholder, you’d probably applaud the company’s decision to be prudent who it gives review units to. If you’re an inveterate jerk who’s been nay-saying the company since the dawn of time, your reaction might understandably be different.

Everyone in the business knows who is blackballed and who isn’t. The ones who aren’t may as well work for Apple.

There’s two ways of looking at this: 1) Apple is cutting off the people who say bad things about the company or 2) Apple is choosing to not give review units to people who can’t—or won’t—recognize good products simply because they have an Apple logo on them. These are not mutually exclusive.

Avoiding these corrupt practices such as non-disclosures leaves me vulnerable when I’m trying to predict the outcome of a strategy with a product that is sight unseen.

Gosh, which John Dvorak do we believe? The one who says he deliberately trolls Apple fans just to gin up hits, or the one who blames Apple for his lousy analysis?

There’s trolling and then there’s trolling away your own dignity. Seriously, if the Macalope ever gets to the point where he offers nothing but excuses and blames everyone but himself for his own errors, just pile a bunch of sticks around him and leave him in a field somewhere to pass away peacefully.

And as for my prediction that this phone would be a bad idea for Apple to pursue, anything can still happen. Time is a cruel mistress.

Sure, John. If we just wait long enough the iPhone will look like a mistake and you’ll be vindicated.

Just out of curiosity, is that a geologic timescale or cosmic?

[Editors’ Note: In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.]

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