The Macalope Daily: Great moments in dumb

The Macalope has several sites he doesn’t link to because of their outstanding achievements in the field of jackassery when it comes to Apple, but TheStreet actually isn’t one of them. Well, not yet, anyway.

But while TheStreet isn’t yet on this be-antlered beast’s blacklist, the odious one-two combination we’re about to look at is such an exercise in obvious trolling that even the Macalope clicking through to it was too much reward. But documenting the atrocities is his job. What’s a mythical beast to do?

TheStreet’s Chris Ciaccia, you see, has a dire warning about the mythical iPad mini: “iPad Mini Sees Tepid Demand: Poll.”

Wow. That would certainly seem troubling and, perhaps, an indicator that an iPad mini could be a non-starter for Apple. Well, it would be, except for one thing: Chris Ciaccia does not seem to understand the definition of the words “tepid” or, more importantly, “poll.”

In a surprising result, only 43% of respondents to a poll from TheStreet said they would definitely buy an iPad Mini should Apple decide to make one.

“Only” 43 percent said they would “definitely” buy one? How many people were you expecting to say yes? 120 percent? 43 percent is astoundingly good. From a scientific study. From this study, however, it means as much as 78 percent of people saying they like to put jam in their ethernet ports because the neighbor’s dog told them it improves throughput.

See, we’re one sentence into Ciaccia’s “analysis” of TheStreet’s “poll” and already the Macalope’s antlers are tingling the way they do when he gets the sense someone’s trying to pull a fast one. Or, in this case, an incredibly slow and dumb one.

Despite the robust projections provided by [Piper Jaffray’s Gene] Munster, only 43% of the 815 people who responded to the poll said they would “buy anything Apple related.”

Now, based on that wording, you might think people were asked “Would you buy anything Apple-related?” But that’s not exactly how the question was asked. No, here are the three possible answers in the online poll—yes, a highly scientific online poll conducted of bored, bitter, and confused readers of TheStreet—Ciaccia conducted in the body of a previous article:

Yes—I’ll buy anything Apple related. No—I agree with Steve Jobs. A 7-inch tablet is “dead on arrival.” Maybe—Others are selling 7-inch tablets, but I would need to see how Apple does it.

Yes, I’ll buy anything Apple related.” In other words, you have to profess undying fealty to Cupertino in order to say you’d be interested in buying a 7-inch iPad. Even the Macalope, with a head like a Classic Mac, would have answered “Maybe” to this quiz. Assuming he had drunk himself stupid enough to visit the poll in the first place. Even the “no” answer is loaded, as it implies that you don’t think any 7-inch tablets are worthwhile. The whole thing’s wrong! The whole world’s wrong! Nothing makes any sense anymore!

Well, until you remember it’s just a ginned-up poll quoted in a link-baiting article. Then things suddenly make sense again.

[Editor’s Note: In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.]

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