The Macalope Daily: Apple also killed Chuck Cunningham

[Editor?s Note: The Macalope Daily is an exclusive benefit for our Macworld Insider members, but is being made available to all Macworld readers for a limited time. To learn more about this and other features, visit our Macworld Insider information page.]

The Macalope has been working himself out from under an avalanche of stupid after the launch of the iPhone 5, so let?s press on in the hopes that some day we?ll be able to move on to other matters?like just how open Google actually is?shall we?

So, take some vitamin D, do some deep knee bends, kiss your loved ones goodbye as if it?s the last time you?ll ever see them, and let?s wade in.

CNet?s Eric Mack says ?We now know the iPhone and Apple jumped the shark in 2011.?

You wouldn?t know it from the sales numbers, the monstrous profits and the insidious hype?

?Insidious Hype??! How did Mack guess Phil Schiller?s rap name?!

Just for a second, let us remember that the dictionary definition of ?hype? is ?extravagant or intensive publicity or promotion.? Now, other than the media event and updating its website, how much has Apple itself publicized or promoted the iPhone?

Right. About zero.

?but the decline of iOS, the iPhone and perhaps even all of Apple 2.0 (the 21st century iteration) is now in progress.

This argument never gets old. Apparently. No matter how many facts fly in its face. Facts like these:

?iPhone 5 breaks Apple and AT&T sales records in `most successful iPhone launch ever??

Well, facts are one thing, but let us not ignore the power of comparisons to late 1970s TV shows.

To put it more simply, Apple and the iPhone have jumped the shark.

You know what?s jumped the shark? Jumping the shark, that?s what. The ?Apple is doomed? argument, meanwhile, is simply a tired old trope that pundits trot out as if they?re the first ones to make this astounding contention. Truth be told, here on planet Earth?sadly, we are cursed to live on the only known planet on which pundits have ?evolved??pundits have been saying this since ?

Wait, when was Apple established? April 1, 1976? Probably that afternoon, then.

Mack kindly points out that ?jumping the shark? is a reference to an episode of Happy Days when Fonzi ? stop the Macalope if you?ve heard this ? jumped over a shark. Which, we can all agree on, is dumb.

That, unfortunately, is about all we can agree on.

I know how ridiculous this might sound.

Actually, you probably don?t, otherwise sheer shame would have stopped you from typing this much.

Apple and the iPhone will be around for years to come, to be certain, but it seems that when Steve Jobs left the building, he took ?one more thing? with him.

ONLY STEVE JOBS CAN INNOVATE. Q.E.D.

I?m certainly not counting Apple out.

Ah, the classic butt-covering sentence! A staple of the ?Apple is doomed? genre. ?Yes, I said Apple was doomed, but I didn?t say they were doomed. Clearly, you did not understand the subtlety of my argument.?

Mack?s conclusion has to be read to be believed.

Happy Days continued on for five more seasons after Fonzie jumped the shark, often becoming a bizarre parody of itself centered around Winkler?s stardom. Scott Baio and Robin Williams were added to the cast in the second half of the show?s life to shake things up, but in the end it drifted into irrelevance and reruns.

I worry that Apple has already begun that drift, and I don?t foresee any new devices on the horizon with Baio or Williams-level gravitas to ensure Apple?s Happy Days continue.

?Scott Baio-level gravitas?? This just goes to show you that no matter how many words have been written in the English language, someone can always come up with some that have never been use in that particular combination before.

[Editors? Note: Each week the Macalope skewers the worst of the week?s coverage of Apple and other technology companies. In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.]

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