The Macalope Daily: Trouble in paradise
Can you feel the excitement? Just a bit more than a month until we’re all living in the “no-compromises” paradise that our Redmond overlords have waiting for us! You know what that means: It’s Winotaur time, baby.
MACALOPE: Hey, the Macalope has got to hand it to you, he’s actually excited for the Surface launch!
WINOTAUR: Damn straight you are! Finally people are going to get a no-compromises tablet computing experience! With a keyboard! And a mouse!
MACALOPE: Wow! Yeah! But, actually, the Macalope’s more excited in a NASCAR kind of way.
WINOTAUR: NASCAR? Oh, because of the speed?
MACALOPE: Because of the high likelihood of crashing and burning.
WINOTAUR: [cough] Maps [cough].
MACALOPE: You’re so adorably predictable when you’re angry.
WINOTAUR: Laugh while you can, antelope-boy, but you’re going to be laughing out of the other side of your Mac-head floppy disk slot when the Surface takes off like a rocket! Maybe “RT” stands for “Rocket time”!
MACALOPE: As stupid as that is, it’s a lot better than “Run-time.” Way to reach your users with a name that’s meaningful to them.
WINOTAUR: Oh, yeah? Well, maybe you should have renamed “Maps” to “Get lost.”
WINOTAUR: Because … the data is so bad.
MACALOPE: You’re like a dog with a bone, aren’t you? Not to change the subject, but how’s it going with Windows 8? Seems like Intel’s Paul Otellini thinks it needs a little more time in the ol’ oven.
WINOTAUR: Oh, that guy. He’s just cheesed because RT runs on ARM chips. Guy’s trying to do something in our punch bowl, you know? Something gross. You feel me?
MACALOPE: The Macalope would really rather not.
WINOTAUR: He’s just waxing his own bacon. Making blender mayonnaise while the sun don’t shine. Churning his own …
MACALOPE: OK! OK! Enough! Those don’t even make sense! “Poisoning the well”! That’s what you’re looking for!
WINOTAUR: No, that’s not it. But, anyway, total jerk. He’s just mad because ARM-based Windows 8 devices will ship first.
MACALOPE: Sure. Presumably Michael Dell is also “waxing his own bacon” when he says the impact of the Surface “will be limited.”
WINOTAUR: Oh, totes. Maybe you Apple nerds don’t know, but this is what disruption looks like, sweetcakes.
MACALOPE: Sure. Because we’ve never seen it before.
WINOTAUR: Right. That’s what I said.
MACALOPE: Uh-huh. Apple followers have never seen an industry disrupted.
WINOTAUR: Yeah. Why do you keep repeating me? Any-hoo, it’s business school time, buck-o! Get ready to be re-Surfaced!
MACALOPE: You could not possibly be more tone deaf, could you.
WINOTAUR: What? “Re-Surfaced”? That’s gold! Solid gold!
[Editors’ Note: In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.]