The Macalope Daily: Trouble in paradise

Can you feel the excitement? Just a bit more than a month until we’re all living in the “no-compromises” paradise that our Redmond overlords have waiting for us! You know what that means: It’s Winotaur time, baby.

MACALOPE: Hey, the Macalope has got to hand it to you, he’s actually excited for the Surface launch!

WINOTAUR: Damn straight you are! Finally people are going to get a no-compromises tablet computing experience! With a keyboard! And a mouse!

MACALOPE: Wow! Yeah! But, actually, the Macalope’s more excited in a NASCAR kind of way.

WINOTAUR: NASCAR? Oh, because of the speed?

MACALOPE: Because of the high likelihood of crashing and burning.

WINOTAUR: [cough] Maps [cough].

MACALOPE: You’re so adorably predictable when you’re angry.

WINOTAUR: Laugh while you can, antelope-boy, but you’re going to be laughing out of the other side of your Mac-head floppy disk slot when the Surface takes off like a rocket! Maybe “RT” stands for “Rocket time”!

MACALOPE: As stupid as that is, it’s a lot better than “Run-time.” Way to reach your users with a name that’s meaningful to them.

WINOTAUR: Oh, yeah? Well, maybe you should have renamed “Maps” to “Get lost.”

MACALOPE: …

WINOTAUR: Because … the data is so bad.

MACALOPE: You’re like a dog with a bone, aren’t you? Not to change the subject, but how’s it going with Windows 8? Seems like Intel’s Paul Otellini thinks it needs a little more time in the ol’ oven.

WINOTAUR: Oh, that guy. He’s just cheesed because RT runs on ARM chips. Guy’s trying to do something in our punch bowl, you know? Something gross. You feel me?

MACALOPE: The Macalope would really rather not.

WINOTAUR: He’s just waxing his own bacon. Making blender mayonnaise while the sun don’t shine. Churning his own …

MACALOPE: OK! OK! Enough! Those don’t even make sense! “Poisoning the well”! That’s what you’re looking for!

WINOTAUR: No, that’s not it. But, anyway, total jerk. He’s just mad because ARM-based Windows 8 devices will ship first.

MACALOPE: Sure. Presumably Michael Dell is also “waxing his own bacon” when he says the impact of the Surface “will be limited.”

WINOTAUR: Oh, totes. Maybe you Apple nerds don’t know, but this is what disruption looks like, sweetcakes.

MACALOPE: Sure. Because we’ve never seen it before.

WINOTAUR: Right. That’s what I said.

MACALOPE: Uh-huh. Apple followers have never seen an industry disrupted.

WINOTAUR: Yeah. Why do you keep repeating me? Any-hoo, it’s business school time, buck-o! Get ready to be re-Surfaced!

MACALOPE: You could not possibly be more tone deaf, could you.

WINOTAUR: What? “Re-Surfaced”? That’s gold! Solid gold!

[Editors’ Note: In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.]

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