The Macalope Daily: A match made in Heaven

OK, who got Dan Lyons in the Macalope?s Gizmodo?! Who got Gizmodo in the Macalope?s Dan Lyons?! Yes, it?s two horrible tastes that go terrible together!

?Steve Jobs? Reality Distortion Field Lives On? (Gizmodo and Dan Lyons? Oh, you?d better believe there?s no link to that, but tip o? the antlers to AgentKyle).

Trite Apple meme in the headline? Oh, you know it, girl.

The Macalope is confused because he thought Lyons wrote for Newsweek. It seems he still does, according to his bio on the piece, but Newsweek apparently won?t let him publish his personal vendetta notes, so he must turn to Gizmodo?and possibly the Weekly World News?to lash out at his critics, of whom MG Siegler and John Gruber are just two.

The rule of thumb for following Apple is that if you want to know what Apple PR?s official line is, you just need to read the top-tier Apple apologists like John Gruber and MG Siegler.

And if you ever want to know how to get a situation exactly backwards, read low-tier sensationalist rags like Gizmodo, now with more no-tier writers like Lyons!

They?re pretty much operating as unpaid Apple spokesbots.

Unpaid?! Has Lyons seen how much Gruber reportedly makes?

Apple briefs these guys, but instead of having the balls to do it on the record?

Stop the way the technology industry works, Dan Lyons wants to get off!

If we could Dan, we would love to so we could be rid of you.

?Apple feeds them some spin with the condition that they will write it up while attributing their info to ?sources who are familiar with the situation.?

As opposed to the other publications that got information from Google ?sources who are familiar with the situation,? who are impeccably unbiased.

Both fail to discuss the suckiness of the maps app itself and instead spin the story to one about timing.

There?s no spin here. Both Gruber and Siegler have admitted that the data stinks, they?re answering the question of why Apple would use it.

And, of course, in this version of events, Apple is doing the right thing. And, of course, the villain is Google.

No quotes. No refutation of points that either Siegler or Gruber have made. Lyons just says ?Of course they come down on Apple?s side because they?re in Apple?s pocket.?

Here?s an actual quote from Gruber:

Apple wanted turn-by-turn and vector map tiles. Google wanted more control over the Maps app, more branding, and more identifiable location data. So Apple moved.

Apparently, laying out what was a business decision by both Apple and Google is shilling in Lyons?s book.

Let the Macalope be clear (again): Bad on Apple for shipping an app with crappy data.

It?s called misdirection, and it?s mostly used by magicians and PR people.

Yes! Understanding why things happened is misdirection! Don?t try to understand things, just brow-beat Apple!

See, this is how it works. When you?re foisting a turd off on your customers, you don?t call it a turd. You cover it with shiny sparkly fake jewels and call it a tiara.

Lyons is shocked?SHOCKED!?to find there is marketing going on here! It?s a good thing Google would never do anything like that! Like, say, faking an address in an ad to make Apple?s map data look worse than it is.

Fortunately Apple still has shills who will carry water for them.

The crazy thing is (as if there is just one crazy thing in this piece), Gruber agrees with him:

Under-promise, over-deliver. Apple usually does a good job at that, but I agree with [Jean-Louis] Gassee: they did not set expectations properly for the new Maps app.

SHILL.

For what it?s worth, there?s still no word from Gruber and Siegler on how they never noticed any problems with maps when they were writing their original reviews.

It?s completely easy to not notice any problems, particularly after only a week of use. The Macalope?s been using iOS 6 for more than a week and he?s not seen any. Meanwhile, he can detail any number of times he got lousy directions from Google?s map data ? because he used it for five years and in a variety of locations.

Sadly, the Venn diagram circles of ?reasonable expectations? and ?Dan Lyons screed? do not intersect.

Steve is dead, but the reality distortion field lives on.

And Fake Steve is dead, but the self-important drama queen lives on.

[Editors? Note: Each week the Macalope skewers the worst of the week?s coverage of Apple and other technology companies. In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.]

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