The Macalope Daily: Make up your mind

More rumors about Microsoft Office for iOS have the Macalope trying to get a straight answer out of the Winotaur. You’d think he’d know better by now.

MACALOPE: The Macalope knows we don’t talk out of school to each other, but what is the deal with Office for iOS? Seriously, this is getting ridiculous. You guys need to get your act together.

WINOTAUR: I surely don’t know what you’re talking about. Our act has never been more together. We are as one.

MACALOPE: Like the Borg?

WINOTAUR: No! Like a family!

MACALOPE: So more like the Mansons then.

WINOTAUR: Who are the Mansons? Is that Modern Family? I don’t get cable in my maze. The Comcast guys keep getting lost and turned to stone by the Medusa. You would not believe what they charge to send someone out now. God, I hate having roommates. The bathroom sink is full of snakes!

MACALOPE: Can we stay on topic?

WINOTAUR: I don’t know. What were we talking about?

MACALOPE: Office for iOS! Your people keep saying it’s coming and then the official word is “Nothing to see here!”

WINOTAUR: I don’t know what …

MACALOPE: Oh, come on! Yesterday there was news that one of your product managers in the Czech Republic said it’s coming in March and then about five minutes later a corporate PR person says, quote, “The information shared by our Czech subsidiary is not accurate. We do not have anything further to share at this time.”

WINOTAUR: How is that not like a family?

MACALOPE: That is … OK, you’ve got me on that one. But what the heck? Oh, wait, are you just punking us with this stuff?

WINOTAUR: Well, you tell me first, which would make you angrier? Releasing Office for iOS or not releasing it?

MACALOPE: Oh, for …

WINOTAUR: Come on. Gut response. Don’t think about it. Let’s say we have an app ready to ship. Which boils your blood more—shipping it or not shipping it?

MACALOPE: You may not have noticed, but the iPad is doing just fine without Office.

WINOTAUR: Ha-ha! Right. Well, just wait until the Surface hits the fan, buddy!

MACALOPE: Are you sure you want to stick with all the implications of that analogy?

WINOTAUR: What? Uh … oh. Well … you’re the one who’s … going to have a disgusting fan. That’s the … big implication of that analogy.

MACALOPE: Really, we don’t care, we’re just tired of being jerked around.

WINOTAUR: I have nothing further to share at this time.

MACALOPE: [sigh]

WINOTAUR: [holds hoof close to the Macalope’s face] Is this bugging you? I’m not touching you.

MACALOPE: And you wonder why you have lousy roommates.

[Editors’ Note: In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.]

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