The Macalope Daily: Won't stop believing

Macalope

We all know denial is not a river in Egypt, but has anyone checked to see if it’s a river in Canada?

Writing for IT World Canada, Tim Collins brings us “10 solid reasons RIM will make a comeback” (tip o’ the antlers to The Loop).

Oh, Tim, honey. Don’t.

I’m the only diehard in my office who is still sporting a Blackberry.

Get help.

Going into 2011, everyone at my company used Blackberrys. We were huge fans. We BBM’d each other constantly. We even blogged about how much we loved our Blackberrys. Then RIM started to nosedive and one by one, my staff started showing up at the office with iPhones.

The reason RIM started to nosedive was because its other customers got fed up waiting for a phone that didn’t look like it was calling from 2003. It’s not the other way around. You get that, right?

Hope the formatting of this column doesn’t get screwed up on the text-only mobile version you’re looking at.

(Cheap RIM jokes! The Macalope buys them by the gross at Costco!)

In spite of its challenges, I still believe that RIM will make a comeback. It’s not just wishful thinking.

No, the Macalope imagines there’s also a lot of hallucinogenics involved.

1) Developers believe in BB10. RIM has a knack for motivating some of the most brilliant minds on the planet. I personally know several developers who are still working for RIM and who are not the least bit interested in jumping ship.

RIM’s comeback will be fueled by the most powerful force in the universe: anecdotes!

2) Teenagers and messaging.

Is there some coming explosion in the population of teenagers in the world the Macalope is unaware of?

3) RIM has always had the best keyboard. My bet is that the genius engineers at RIM are going to have the best touchscreen keyboard on the market.

As the saying goes about cameras, the best one is the one you have with you. And the keyboard everyone has with them are on their iPhones and Android devices.

4) They smell the coffee.

It’s nice that RIM now has management that, unlike the Undynamic Duo, recognize there’s a problem. But it doesn’t help that you can smell the coffee if you’re lying on the floor with your entire body wrapped in Saran wrap.

5) Licensing. The BB10 operating system is being licensed for other hardware like Microsoft Windows Phone 8.

Agreed. RIM’s most likely path for success is as a shell company licensing its technologies to other companies that can actually make and ship modern phones.

6) Cash flow + growing existing user base. They still have $2 billion in cash and a user base of 80 million that grew by 2 million last quarter.

RIM’s revenue for the last quarter grew from the prior quarter, but is still down considerably from last year. The way they’re gaining users is by fire sale.

7) They dominate the high-security niche market.

Indeed. Enjoy your niche position.

8) Leaked specs.

RIM is awesome at vaporware. The Macalope fondly remembers how the PlayBook was totally going to own the iPad. Until it shipped.

Do they still even make the PlayBook?

9) Incremental Improvements are boring. The last iPhone had only incremental improvements.

You know what’s really boring? Listening to RIM yammer on about how awesome its next products are going to be, if only the market would just slow down and wait for it.

10) The competition is distracted. Samsung and Apple are embroiled in legal battles that won’t end any time soon.

It’s pretty rich having a RIM fan tell you Apple and Samsung can’t walk and chew gum at the same time as RIM keeps tripping over its overly large clown shoes.

I’m excited to watch RIM pull off the biggest comeback of the century.

Uh, OK, but you don’t have money on this, do you?

Or … would you like to?

[Editors’ Note: In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.]

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