The Macalope Daily: More like the LamePad

Macalope

No Apple product announcement would be complete without the host of usual goofballs telling us how laaaaaame it is.

No links for these two, of course, because of the Macalope’s standing rule against linking to those dangerous to themselves and others. But here’s Ewan Spence writing for Forbes:

“Tim Cook Blinked First - The Nexus 7 Takes Pride Of Place At The iPad Mini Launch” (tip o’ the antlers to The Loop which has an appropriately foul-mouthed reaction).

One thing is for sure, this is no longer Steve Jobs’ Apple.

In all of my time covering Apple launches, this felt the most defensive presentation of little more than a “me-too” product.

Presumably a me-too of a me-too of the original by Apple. Yes, other tablet makes were first with a smaller tablet form factor, which, so far, is the only type of device that’s made any hint of a dent in Apple’s dominance of the market.

No, all you can sell it on is the words ‘iPad’ and ‘Apple’.

Right. When you take away all of its specific advantages, all you’re left with is a better user interface and build quality and more content.

Which, of course, are synonymous with “iPad” and “Apple,” which is how the company sells so darn many of them.

Let’s wander over to Gizmodo and see what the brainpan drippings over there are saying.

“Apple is a follower” (tip o’ the antlers to Matthew Panzarino)

The iPad Mini is an obvious and bloated—both in size and price—response to last year’s Kindle Fire and this summer’s Nexus 7.

Bloated? Can none of these people do simple math? The iPad mini has a larger screen, but the device itself is literally smaller and lighter than both the Kindle Fire and the Nexus 7, mostly because it’s so much thinner. So, unless the definition of “bloated” changed some time in the last 48 hours, the Macalope will kindly point out that words still have meanings and you’re doing it wrong.

Compare the Apple of 2012, then, to the Apple juggernaut of 1998 to 2010. That Apple didn’t react to markets. It created them. Who wanted a tablet before the iPad? Who gave smartphones a second thought before the iPhone? Those products defined technology for a decade.

Jeez, Apple, it’s been two years since you remade an entire market! What the heck are you doing over there anyway?! The Macalope’s not sure where this idea that Apple under Steve Jobs spewed out a market-changing hit every quarter came from, but it is a fiction.

Even Apple’s retail operation—one of its most unheralded strengths—was an unthinkable undertaking before Apple thought it. And it still doesn’t have any imitators.

Well, no good ones.

Being so good for so long inevitably brings success, and success brings size, and size brings slowness.

So, what’s your excuse?

How mind-bendingly out of touch with reality must a site get before it’s declared fiction? If Apple goes another few years without remaking another product category, then we can talk. Until then, just find something else to write about.

Shoo.

[Editors’ Note: In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.]

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