The Macalope: Innovativish

Good news! The rampant misunderstanding of Apple continues apace, keeping the Macalope employed!

Not that there was any real concern about it going away.

So fine was this Business Insider piece by Steve Kovach that CNN saw fit to reprint it as part of some insipid cross-pollination scheme. Apparently just reading stuff from Twitter wasn’t enough insipidness for CNN viewers? The Macalope’s not sure.

“How Samsung is out-innovating Apple” (no link, but a tip o’ the antlers to David MacLachlan).

Kovach, you will not be surprised to find, is dumbing down the i-word a bit when applying it to Samsung.

Competitors have built upon the foundation Apple laid in mobile and are now leapfrogging it with bunch of useful features you can’t find on iPhones and iPads.

Features! Because cramming a feature into a phone is just like innovating.

The evidence is everywhere …

In the birds in the trees, in the clean water that flows from the mountains and, most importantly, in your immortal soul, where you know it to be true.

By now, Samsung’s Galaxy devices have become synonymous with Android …

Actually, it’s eclipsed Android. See if you can find “Android” mentioned anywhere on the product pages for the Galaxy SIII. It’s there, but it’s not easy to find. HTC, meanwhile, is doing its level best to downplay “Android” right in the face.

A lot of that has to do with Samsung’s massive marketing budget, but you can’t ignore the fact that the company has innovated a lot by creating popular new product categories that Apple is wary to try.

If you just say “Samsung is innovative!” a lot, then it becomes true by fiat!

The best example of this is the Galaxy Note, a smartphone-tablet hybrid with a giant screen.

And a stylus. Don’t forget the stylus.

Samsung sold at least 10 million Galaxy Notes.

10 million! Call us back when you’ve sold that many iPhones, App …

Oh. In three weeks? Wow. OK.

It took about a year for Samsung to sell 10 million Galaxy Notes. Apple sold 48 million iPhones last quarter. If you’re going to throw down numbers like they mean something, you might offer a basis of comparison.

Unless you write for Business Insider and it doesn’t fit your “Android is winning” story line.

But more importantly, Samsung created a new category of smartphone that people didn’t even know they wanted, much like Apple did when it released the first iPhone.

It added a big screen and a stylus to its line of phones, which has been determined in a court of law to be derivative of the iPhone and uses an operating system made by someone else.

Innovative-riffic.

But what’s most important is how nimble Samsung has become at improving its mobile devices through software updates.

Unlike Apple.

Uh …

Is it possible this is performance art?

Maybe it’s performance art.

Steve … Steve … the device manufacturer delivering the software update? Apple invented that model. Six years ago. In a device called “the iPhone.” You might have heard of it; it was in all the papers.

Samsung isn’t alone, of course. Microsoft’s new Windows 8 operating system is built for touchscreen devices like tablets, too …

Yeah! How are sales of Windows 8 tablets going, by the AAAAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!! NO, NO, TAKE THE CHART AWAY, OH, GOD.

So low. So low. Never seen number so … low …

Based on all this evidence …

All this “evidence.”

… Apple feels behind.

A little behind or a big behind?

Apple usually makes users wait a year or more for a new version of iOS, and even then some older devices can’t access all the latest and greatest features.

You’re kidding, right?

… there are others, especially Samsung, that appear to be innovating at a pace faster than Apple can.

Translation: I have no idea how Apple functions and don’t understand why it doesn’t just start slapping new features on devices like an attention-deficit toddler.

Is that a kind of innovation? Maybe, but it’s not the kind that Apple practices. Thank god.

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