The Macalope: Everything is Apple's fault

That’s Search Engine Optimization Lesson #1, kids. And now, to demonstrate this technique, let’s go to The Boy Genius [sic] Report’s Tero Kuittinen for an example.

“Apple’s iPhone is killing off newspaper photographers” (no link, because if there’s a link-baity-er headline, the Macalope’s not sure he’s seen it, but tip o’ the antlers to @Hypothesard).

Um, no.

What’s “killing off” newspaper photographers is newspapers’ lousy business models. That should be obvious to anyone paying attention and not writing for link-baiting Internet publications. It’s sad that the Chicago Sun-Times has laid off its photography staff, because a talented photographer with a really good camera is much more likely to take a good photo than an overworked reporter with a smartphone. But it’s particularly sad when writers like Kuittinen continue to be employed. That’s just adding insult to injury.

Kuittinen’s been on a tear recently, and that’s pronounced “teer” beause of the tears of sadness his pieces make us weep, as we realize that there simply is no shaming some people. Back in March, Kuittinen said Samsung had morphed Apple into a follower. At the end of April, he said Apple was this year’s Nokia.

What’s Kuittinen’s evidence for it being Apple’s fault that a bunch of unfortunate photographers are now out of work, you ask? Oh, boy, you really are being naive, aren’t you?

The rapidly improving camera quality on smartphones like Apple’s iPhone is a major factor in this ongoing shift …

Smartphones like Apple’s iPhone. But it’s the iPhone that’s “killing off” newspaper photographers. It certainly couldn’t be this:

The Chicago Sun-Times’ print circulation dropped by nearly 8% in the latest last two quarters compared to the same six-month period a year earlier.

Kuittinen and his editors at BGR must laugh at reporters like NPR’s Mark Memmott, who gets through an entire piece without mentioning—let alone going for the big money by blaming—the iPhone. What a sap! Newsflash, public radio dude! There are two things that sell on the Internet: sex and Apple.

And cats. Three things.

Remember, only Apple’s phones suffer antenna attenuation, only Apple manufactures things in China, only Apple takes advantage of tricky tax maneuvers, and only Apple [anything bad]. Remember that simple rule and you’re on your way to an SEO windfall, friend!

Huh. Too bad the Chicago Sun-Times didn’t learn that a few years ago. Then maybe it could have kept its photographers.

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