The Macalope: Just another pretty face

Writing for the International Business Times, Arlene Paredes breaks down the differences between the upcoming second editions of the iPad mini and Nexus 7.

“Nexus 7 2nd Gen vs iPad Mini 2: Release Dates, Specs, Prices; Which One For You?”

Wow! Arlene is hooked in! Let’s read on!

The Nexus 7 2nd generation release date falls in early August, according to rumours.

And, for the purposes of this exercise, let’s just assume all rumors are true, because it’s not like any of them have ever been wrong before, right?

This is another interesting Android vs iOS battle …

Are they really that interesting? Maybe that’s sarcasm.

… but most of analysts’ money is still on the small iPad.

As is the money of consumers.

One of these tablets is not exactly better than the other, but certain considerations would make it seem so.

Neither is better, unless you consider “things.” You’ll never guess why the iPad mini is so much more successful, though.

The Nexus 7 2 will come with spectacular hardware specs, but the iPad mini 2 will pull in buyers by simply looking pretty.

If you don’t understand how Apple makes successful products, just write “pretty.” That way the rest of us can keep track of you and know who to leave behind when the giant space ark takes us all to the new Earth, after this Earth is destroyed by giant radioactive clams.

Apple device buyers put a lot of premium on aesthetics.

Because they’re so shallow, sure. Meanwhile, Android and Windows users are serious technology users. Because the one thing the past 30 years of computing has taught us is that serious devices are crappily made devices.

The Nexus 7 2 will reportedly feature a rear camera this time around. The iPad mini 2 will sport the Retina display technology.

Uh, it will? The Macalope wouldn’t bet the farm on that.

Actually, at this point the Macalope doesn’t care what you bet, especially if you’re the kind of person who would write an article based on so many fallacious assumptions.

Both moves are expected in light of insistent user demand in 2012.

When people bought a metric crapton of iPad minis and a handful of Nexus 7s.

What both devices will not (ever) offer, however, is a provision for external storage. Neither Apple nor Google is a fan of storage expansion as both companies would rather have their users pay for extra cloud storage.

Right, that’s really the reason. As opposed to nudging you into buying a device with more capacity.

Many users also find it easier to manage their media files on an Android device.

Others prefer loose-leaf binders, or one of those pointy metal things they jam your ticket onto at the dry cleaner.

OK, let’s be serious. Well, not really, but let’s pretend to be serious for a minute. While these two devices are comparable, in that they can technically be compared, when people voted with their pocketbooks the iPad won hands down. Benedict Evans has estimated that Google sold about 6.8 million Nexus 7s through March. Apple doesn’t break out iPad mini sales, but it’s very likely the company sold more than that in one quarter.

The success of the iPad mini is why Apple could reasonably afford to wait to introduce an updated mini until early 2014. If that does happen you can expect pundits like Paredes to lose their minds. That’s always fun.

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