The Macalope: Status quo at Gizmodo

Hey, anyone wonder if Gizmodo is still mad at Apple?

No? Well, too bad, we’re doing this anyway.

Jesus Diaz asks “Can Apple tackle Google with new 2013 iPhone?” (no link because Gizmodo, but tip o’ the antlers to Javier Matusevich).

Apple fans are squeaking with unbridled emotion …

Shop at Gizmodo for all your “cheap shots at Apple fans” needs!

… after learning about the next iPhone’s announcement date: September 10—two days earlier than last year.

Will Apple’s new toys be enough to stop the company’s steady decline in sales and market share?

Second sentence and we’re already making things up!

The quality gap with Apple has disappeared and Google’s operating system includes many great features that the iPhone doesn’t have.

Much of it’s crap you’ll never use, of course, but features!

The new Moto X—made by Motorola, now owned by Google—is getting raving reviews.

Not amazing but darn good is the new “raving.”

Other phones made by Samsung and HTC are equally as good.

Oh, you mean like the Samsung Galaxy S4, which The Verge said has an “unpleasant, cheap design”?

These aren’t bad phones, they’re downright good phones, but the only company that comes close to competing with the iPhone on quality is HTC and, based on their sales, Android users don’t seem to want well-built phones. Weird! Wonder what it is they want?

Meanwhile, the new iPhone could be more of the same: Made of metal, plastic and glass, running these things called apps that you buy in a store without walls and come to you flying over the air.

See, other companies’ phones bring new features. Apple’s new phones are always identical in every way.

There are no new awesome features in the horizon, no clear and definitive advantage for the consumer.

No new features that Jesus Diaz can see. Very odd that a Gizmodo editor can’t see what Apple might ship next.

While it is clear that Apple is in excellent financial shape and the loyalists will snatch the new phones like hungry zombies …

Only mindless Apple zealots buy iPhones. 31 million zealots a quarter.

… the Cupertino company will have a very hard time convincing the rest of the world that their new phones offer any significant advantage over the more affordable competition.

Unless, maybe, some of the new phones are more affordable?

This is just a reminder that, at least when it comes to Apple, Gizmodo does not publish analysis. It publishes hate mail.

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