The Macalope: Marketing meets cuckoo bananas

Pundits aren’t the only people who say dumb things about Apple. No, in the really awkward three-legged potato-sack race to say the dumbest thing about Apple, executives of other companies finish a close second.

Let’s start with the fine folks at Qualcomm. As you may have heard, Qualcomm’s chief marketing troll, Anand Chandrasekher, said that the 64-bit A7 processor in the iPhone 5s was “a marketing gimmick” and that “There’s zero benefit a consumer gets from that.”

Sure! Heck, aren’t all technological advancements just marketing gimmicks when you get down to it?

That was back in early October. How’s that looking now?

“Qualcomm backtracks from Apple A7 marketing gimmick comments”

Whoops.

“The comments made by Anand Chandrasekher, Qualcomm CMO, about 64-bit computing were inaccurate,” said a Qualcomm spokesperson in an email.

Ah! “Inaccurate.” In other words, Qualcomm realized this might get awkward when it goes to market a 64-bit mobile processor.

“The mobile hardware and software ecosystem is already moving in the direction of 64-bit; and, the evolution to 64-bit brings desktop class capabilities and user experiences to mobile, as well as enabling mobile processors and software to run new classes of computing devices.”

Look for our own 64-bit processor soon!

Yeaaaaaaaaah.

Meanwhile Google’s crazy uncle, Eric Schmidt, keeps opening his mouth and inserting his foot, the feet of the people around him, and the entire Famous Footwear store of Moutain View, CA, which now has to close for several months to clean up Schmidt spit.

“Google’s Schmidt: Android more secure than iPhone”

It’ll be really embarrassing if we eventually discover that Schmidt is being held captive by Google and all these crazy statements he keeps making were an effort to signal everyone.

“HOW COULD YOU NOT HAVE KNOWN?!”

Gartner analyst David Willis, who is chief of research for mobility and communications and who runs Gartner’s Senior Research Board, said to Schmidt: […] “When you say Android, people say, wait a minute, Android is not secure.”

Schmidt didn’t miss a beat, replying, “Not secure? It’s more secure than the iPhone.”

Fortunately, unlike Chandrasekher, Schmidt got some immediate feedback on the accuracy of his comment.

The comparison, made during a question-and-answer session at the Gartner Symposium/ITxpo, drew laughter from a packed-house audience.

That’s good solid feedback right there. Schmidt, however, lives a rich fantasy life, so it’s doubtful he’ll take it to heart. Doubtless we’ll be back here in another few months talking about the butterflies of insanity that nest in his mouth and frequently take flight.

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