The Macalope: Fictitious accounts

Macalope

The Macalope hopes you’re all still well rested from your holiday weekend, because the level of dumb in this one’s gonna hurt!

“Apple iWatch release date backtracks due to 12.9-inch iPad Max” (tip o’ the antlers to Shawn King).

Sure, Inferse is low-hanging fruit … Well, OK, technically it’s buried fruit. But, remember, the Macalope is part human. Sometimes the flesh is weak. And WOW! This is so ripe! So very, very ripe. Regard:

After the blunders made by OS X Mavericks and iOS7 upgrades

No other operating system release ever had bug fixes before these two. That’s just a fact, people. You can look it up. On Inferse.

Inferse.

Inverse with an “f” because … Look, all of the good names were taken.

… Apple has certainly learnt its lessons and has chosen to delay the launch of its products.

Facts!

The long-awaited iWatch seems to have taken over the back seat as Apple focuses its resources on the launch of the new iPad with a huge retina display.

Unicorns now delayed so the company can focus on the happy star-candy flying-and-talking kitten!

The Cupertino [sic], known for its meticulous ways, is now desperately trying to save its image …

We’re reaching fan fiction levels of fabrication here.

… as the most recent launches unconsciously attempted to sabotage it.

You know, it occurs to the Macalope that this piece comes just after National Novel Writing Month. That could explain a lot.

It has been nearly two weeks since Apple launched the 7.9-inch iPad mini, which originally came out with an ordinary display. However, after constant criticism …

And a year-long product cycle during which the iPad mini sold like rectangular hotcakes.

… the company released the second-gen iPad mini with Retina display, powered by an A7 chip.

Finally, people can now buy the iPad mini.

In spite of no release date or specifications officially being announced by Apple and simply on the basis of mere speculations, the large-screened tablet is stirring excitement and agitation amongst millions of Apple fans, lovers and loyalists across the globe.

Well. Endings are hard.

The Macalope doesn’t even have a criticism about the coverage of Apple news because … there’s no coverage here.

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