The Macalope: The prediction of the Beast

Yes, two out of two Forbes contributors (disclaimer: not actually contributing anything) declare 2014 the year Apple better introduce a phablet or … uh … well, something bad will happen! Mark their words!

Haydn Shaughnessy says: “Apple, Move Into Phablets Or Lose Out To Windows” (no links for Forbes).

Having created the tablet market with the iPad, Apple has been woefully slow into Phablets.

WOE BETIDE UNTO THEE, THOU NOT-MAKER OF … phablets.

Is it really too late to change that name? Because … ugh.

According to a new report from Juniper Research in the UK, the Phablet market is set for very rapid expansion with Nokia alongside Samsung in the lead.

And analysts are never wrong about anything.

The report, Tablets, Phablets, Hybrids & eReaders: Market Strategies & Forecasts 2014-2018, predicts that the market will grow to 120 million annual device sales by 2018, up from 20 million in 2013.

Oooh, check out the ID number in that URL! It’s fitting that a report predicting moar-Windows-Phone-winning be tagged with the mark of the Beast.

There’s no question that Cupertino is going to be late to a party that will be in full swing by the time a large screen iPhone 6 launches.

Sigh. This is just like when Apple missed the netbook party! COME ON, APPLE! STOP MISSING PARTIES!

Eric Mack, meanwhile, says “It’s Time For A Bigger iPhone 6, And For Apple To Show Us Something New.”

If the next iPhones are indeed taller, as everyone seems to believe they will be, it will mark yet another major product release in which Apple without Steve Jobs plays catch up rather than blazing a new trail of bold, design-led innovation.

Unlike major product releases we see from Apple’s competitors like … uh … the Galaxy Gear.

But this isn’t an Apple-bashing article.

Right. Well, other than complaining about Apple releasing “me, too” devices that it hasn’t actually released yet.

… I like the rumor that a bigger iPhone 6 could be revealed as early as June, because it frees up the company’s usual September product announcement for something even more new and exciting.

How about disappointment? Do you like that?

Here’s the thing: Apple may release a phone with a larger screen, but it will never release a phablet. Because ew.

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