The Macalope: Future shock

It’s time to put on your best René Belloq impersonation because once again we see, Apple, that there is nothing you can possess that your competitors cannot take away.

Writing for PCWorld, Agam Shah says “Qualcomm overtakes Apple with eight-core, 64-bit mobile processor” (tip o’ the antlers to @leicaman and Chris).

Yes, that’s right. The company has leapt ahead of Apple with what Qualcomm itself called a “marketing gimmick” last fall:

“I know there’s a lot of noise because Apple did [64-bit] on their A7,” said Anand Chandrasekher, senior vice president and chief marketing officer at Qualcomm, in an interview. “I think they are doing a marketing gimmick. There’s zero benefit a consumer gets from that.”

Congratulations, Qualcomm customers, on your new zero-benefit processors!

The funny thing is, that article was also written by Agam Shah. Hmm. Sounds like someone’s on Qualcomm’s speed dial.

Chandrasekher, of course, eventually got taken to the Qualcomm woodshed because, dude, we’re working on a 64-bit chip! (The Qualcomm woodshed is actually not a shed made of wood so much as a meeting room and HR is there and so is your boss and a lawyer and, uh-oh, this doesn’t end well.)

But back to now and all the Apple doom with the weeping at One Infinite Loop and the rending of the garments, etc., etc.

Qualcomm has leaped ahead of Apple in 64-bit mobile chip development with its first eight-core Snapdragon 615 chip for mobile devices, which has integrated LTE and 4K video rendering capabilities.

NOOOOOOOOOOOO. Well, that’s it, then. Just burn it all down, because there’s no way Apple can catch up if Qualcomm is releasing these Apple-killing processors right now, wait, whaaaaat …

The Snapdragon 615 will go into high-end smartphones and tablets, which should become available in the fourth quarter, a Qualcomm spokesman said in an email.

AAAAND, BOOM! René Belloq’s head just asploded. That’s what you get for pretending to be Jewish for the Nazis, René! Jerk.

So. Ha. OK. This chip will not ship for months. Mostly likely after Apple ships new iPhones. With new 64-bit chips. But, boy, Shah sure likes claiming products that aren’t actually shipping yet mean competitors have “overtaken” or “caught up” with Apple.

It is always amazing to this hairy observer how future products beat currently shipping Apple products. Time and time again! It’s uncanny!

Well, with the possible exception of BlackBerry.

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