The Macalope: When you assume

Writing for the Motley Fool, Sam Mattera takes a few too many things on faith.

“Apple Inc. May Have Cancelled One of Its Most Highly Anticipated Products” (no link, but tip o’ the antlers to Scott Faulkner).

Not iPad socks!

Apple plans to release several new products this year, according to the company’s CEO, Tim Cook …

Based on reports from Apple’s supply chain, and the company’s own product nomenclature, one of those products could be a larger iPad.

Or it could be a purple monkey dishwasher.

ANSWER HAZY. ASK AGAIN LATER.

This rumored “iPad Pro” (which many sell-side analysts have said is forthcoming) allegedly would’ve sported a 12.9-inch screen. Aimed at enterprise users, it could’ve competed with Samsung’s Galaxy NotePRO 12.2, and may have put pressure on Intel.

So far this piece could have been titled “Rumors Are A Many Splendored Thing.”

Also, when has Apple made a device “aimed at enterprise users”? If Apple were to make a larger iPad, it would be for everyone.

But according to DigiTimes, the iPad Pro isn’t coming.

Bogus news site says bogus device has been bogusly canceled.

The Taiwanese outlet, which has a fairly good track record, has said Apple cancelled the project.

DigiTimes. A fairly good track record. Look, there are some thing that simply cannot be said. This is what Time had to say about DigiTimes’s history on Apple rumors, back in 2012:

But the thing is, Digitimes isn’t just wrong some of the time. When it comes to the big Apple stories, it’s wrong most of the time. Sometimes wildly so. It’s reported that its sources had said that Apple was going to release MacBooks with AMD processors, iMacs with touch screens, iPhones with built-in projectors and iPads with OLED displays. Those products, and others mentioned in Digitimes articles, never showed up.

DigiTimes is the outfit that said Apple was going to release an iPad at a conference it wasn’t even attending. So, look, saying that DigiTimes has “a fairly good track record”—basically saying that up is down and down is up—is not OK.

Finding little support among developers, Apple has killed the iPad Pro …

All existing devices will be buried in the desert and the land salted. Which seems like kind of a waste, since it’s the desert, but that’s just how big a failure the iPad Pro is.

If Apple has cancelled the iPad Pro, investors may have to temper their expectations for the company going forward.

Yes, change your expectations from “hippogriff” to “wyvern” and remember that investment decisions should be left to seasoned experts who get all their news from DigiTimes.

That isn’t to say that Apple investors have nothing else to look forward to … But the apparent failure of 12-inch-plus tablets suggests there are limits to mobile computing.

Uh huh. Yeah.

If this is the kind of analysis that makes the investment community go ’round—and there is evidence that it is (tip o’ the antlers to Rajesh)—then it’s a wonder the financial crisis wasn’t worse. Like an extinction event.

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