Look at me!

The Macalope feels just terrible, you guys. Apparently, we haven’t been paying enough attention to The Street’s Rocco Pendola.

“A Horribly Embarrassing Image For Tim Cook and Apple” (tip o’ the antlers to @JonyIveParody).

Yes, Rocco. We see you, honey. That’s very nice.

[never looks up from Danielle Steel novel]

So, what is the atrocity du jour that Pendola believes is so terribly embarrassing for Apple?

Well, first, are you sitting down? Because some atrocities are so atrocious that their sheer atrocitude could cause you to go weak in the knees and fall and hit your head on the …

SAMSUNG TELEVISION THAT’S IN AN APPLE STORE! AAAAIIIIIEEEEE!

Steve Jobs would have taken a baseball bat to the Samsung television set that was sitting, front and center, at the Santa Monica Apple Store Monday morning.

Well, when a man becomes preeminent, he’s expected to have enthusiasms.

Surprise, surprise, however: The Macalope himself owns a Samsung television set. The software is terrible, as with basically every television set on the market, but the picture is terrific. As Apple does not make a television set—despite the The Lathe of Heaven-esque wishes of Gene Munster—the company has to pick someone’s set to show off the Apple TV.

For goodness sake, pull a Sony up from the back of the store. At least they’re a good and, relatively speaking, non-threatening partner. Or, better yet, rummage the back room (or right behind you) for one of those big, bright display monitors people use in conjunction with Macs.

Forget the fact that it won’t work with an Apple TV, which is most likely what’s being displayed here. Forget, you know, technology. It’s also just more likely to get stolen. You get a free Samsung TV with a tank of gas these days.

Tim Cook needs to do something about this type of stuff … now.

Indeed. Meaningless anecdotes are absolutely killing Apple. What’s not killing them is the revenue and profit growth they reported on Wednesday.

Has Angela Ahrendts started yet?

Nope. Next week.

Or, better yet, where’s the Apple television set?

In Gene Munster’s fevered sleep, forever taunting him.

“Chase me, Gene! I’m full of content and margins!”

Oh, Rocco. Why does the Macalope continue to enable your shenanigans by linking to you?

Well, for starters, Pendola’s work is so over-the-top that it really is a form of performance art. What it has to do with investment advice the Macalope has no idea, but that’s really The Street’s business. Second, Pendola takes the Macalope’s razzing with good humor, which is a pleasant change as the horny one’s calendar is already full up on “pistols at dawn” appointments.

And, then, of course, there’s the hair. The man’s a walking Prell commercial.

Anyway, don’t feel the need to be so obvious, Rocco. We see you. We see you. Hi.

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