Mojo-jumbo

It’s going to be a busy week, as the Macalope still has a huge backlog of stupid left over from last week’s WWDC fail-o-rama.

Let’s start with Computerworld’s Preston Gralla.

“WWDC shows it’s Microsoft, not Apple, who’s got the mojo” (tip o’ the antlers to Richard Bukovansky).

Again with the mojo. The Macalope supposes it does make writing opinion pieces easier when you just use completely subjective and fabricated yard sticks.

As usual, the world’s press breathlessly live-blogged from Apple’s WWDC conference today.

It’s only the world’s largest technology company. Pff. So stoopid.

And has been usual in recent years, Apple’s announcements were not particularly ground-breaking.

Unless you’re a developer. And, yeah, sure, it’s super weird to expect things at a developers conference to be aimed at, uh … developers.

It’s just one more example of why Microsoft—yes Microsoft …

No! No. Not Microsoft.

No.

Not at all.

See? Two can play that game.

… has got the mojo these days, and Apple is looking old and stale.

See, this is the great thing about writing things on the Internet! You can just say things! It doesn’t matter if they’re “real” or “true” or “even possible on a quantum-mechanical level.” Just say them!

I won’t go into details about what was announced …

No, why would you?

… but in general it’s the same old: A somewhat improved new version of Mac OS X, iOS 8, a refreshed Apple Mail, an iCloud drive, and a revamped Safari.

Would you be surprised to know that Gralla does not once mention Swift? No, you would not. You’re way too jaded from reading the Macalope’s columns for that.

And there’s also Healthkit, which is essentially a variation on ideas that Samsung, Microsoft, and Google have already pursued, and in Google’s case, abandoned.

Surely HealthKit will fail as so many others have, because these things are all the same or, well, who’s got time to look into it, anyway?

There’s certainly nothing earth-shattering. And that’s been the case at Apple for years. No equivalent of the iPod, iPhone, MacBook Air, or iPad. Without Steve Jobs, Apple is turning into just another technology company.

One wonders what “earth-shattering” news Gralla finds coming from Microsoft.

Since Satya Nadella took over as CEO, there’s been more dramatic change in several months than there has been at the company for years.

Is a stagnant company that’s finally making some long-overdue moves what we call “mojo”? Should the Macalope consult his local spiritualist for the latest mojo indicators?

In the last few months Microsoft has committed to Android, allowing Nokia to manufacture and sell Android phones targeted at the developing world.

That’s “committing” to Android?

It’s announced that Windows will be available for free to makers of devices under nine inches.

Breathtaking. Being boxed in by free operating systems from Apple and Google certainly is a triumph of software innovation.

It’s released Office for the iPad.

Finally. And all it took was complete and utter irrelevance in mobile.

And there’s more as well.

Is it another write-off of unsold Surfaces?!

And what has Apple done lately?

Surely nothing that compares to releasing an office suite for someone else’s platform.

Apple is buying Beats primarily for its streaming music service …

You’re certain it’s not buying it for Jimmy Iovine?

… because it’s being forced to play catch-up to Spotify and Pandora. But Apple in essence created the digital music market. It should have owned streaming music, and not be playing catch-up.

The shame of playing catch-up in a service that supports its real money-maker—hardware sales—is probably softened by falling backwards into a pile of $100 bills.

Instead, it’s spending $3 billion to buy its way in. That certainly hasn’t been the Apple way in the past, and it’s one more sign of how the company has lost its mojo.

Oh, totally. Well, other than the NeXT acquisition. Oh, and the acquisition of SoundJam. And Siri. And a mess of other things. Other than all those things.

Oh, and by the way, Microsoft has had a streaming music service, XBox Music, for almost two years.

It does?

Huh.

Who knew?

Apple, of course, has had a streaming music service since iOS 7 came out. Now it has two.

Will the trend of a resurgent Microsoft and a static Apple continue? There’s no way to know. But right now, Microsoft’s got the mojo, and Apple doesn’t.

Mojo is apparently a finite resource. A finite and imaginary resource.

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