Maximum hyperbole

We already know how boring the iPhone 6 is (so very, very boring). But were you aware that it’s also ugly? As in yoo, gee, ell, why, it ain’t got no ali-bi?

Zach “Windows 8 rules” Epstein of the Boy Genius Report brings us the hideous truth.

“Will the iPhone 6 really be as hideously ugly as we’ve seen in leaks?”

Yes, that’s much better than the boring URL which timidly says “iPhone 6 Rumors Photo Comparison.” No, that won’t do at all.

For anyone even remotely interested in technology news, it has been impossible to avoid seeing at least a few of the dozens of iPhone 6 leaks that pour out each week.

Not impossible. You just have to get really good at quickly averting your gaze.

As those images have hit the web, a concern continues to build among eager Apple fans: In all of the leaks we’ve seen thus far, the back of the new iPhone 6 looks … hideously ugly.

Personally, the Macalope’s more concerned about people who take rumors too seriously.

Still, it’s not like any rumors were ever wrong. Actually, it’s impossible for rumors to be wrong. If Apple doesn’t release the thing you said it was going to release, that just means it’s going to release that product later. If Apple does release it and it’s different than you said it was going to be, it’s because Apple changed it at the last minute because it was mad that you stole its thunder.

While the design seemed plausible enough, the plastic inserts we saw on the back of the phone that apparently broke up the aluminum in order for the antennas to broadcast and receive data were an eyesore, to say the least.

Yes, those purported leaked schematics of a phone that hasn’t been released yet were super-concerning. The Macalope spent many a sleepless night pacing his woodland home worried about those plastic inserts, he can tell you.

Just as concern was really starting to mount, however, a report from the often reliable Japanese news agency Nikkei stated that the plastic inserts stemmed from some confusion regarding the leaked schematics …

Phew.

What a relief! It turns out those fake things on the fake thing were fake! Wow! Stand down from red alert.

Apple fans breathed a sigh of relief …

When you’re so far overboard, it’s perfectly fine to just make things up.

We won’t know anything for certain until Apple unveils its next-generation iPhone 6 during a press conference on September 9th.

A press conference that, we should note, has also not been officially announced. Still, that should have been the whole article. That sentence right there. And nothing else.

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