Apple's missing out on X: Where X is whatever isn't shipping yet

Macalope

The world of technology moves quickly and to stay ahead, one must constantly ride the waves of whatever’s coming next. This is why Apple is always behind and perpetually chastised for failing to deliver tomorrow’s technology today.

Wait, what?

“Right Now, Apple Risks Missing Out On The Next Big Thing In Technology” (tip o’ the antlers to @mylestaylor)

What is that big thing? The big thing that is coming oh-so-soon to a Radio Shack near you?

HOLOGRAMS, Y’ALL.

The initial reactions to the HoloLens have been overwhelmingly positive.

Everyone ran the same demo and they all loved it!

Smith notes that companies from Google to Facebook to Samsung to Microsoft are noisily hurling fistfuls of money at this technology, which will no doubt be on store shelves in an easy-to-use form factor with any number of compelling use cases any day now.

Where is Apple? Other than shipping things. Like 75 million things.

Apple, meanwhile, is nowhere to be found.

Shipping smartphones is for losers! Flashy demos of not-ready-for-production devices are where it’s at!

Smith’s definition of “nowhere” is “filed a patent for this technology in 2012 but hasn’t done a press event to show an utterly unfinished product yet.” In other words, Smith apparently doesn’t have any idea how Apple does business.

It’s not too late for Apple to use this patent.

How do you know Apple isn’t using it? How do you know there isn’t a basement at One Infinite Loops that’s chock full o’ holograms? Or is a hologram? Imagine, if you will, a game in which you are in a room full of Bob Mansfield holograms and you have 10 seconds to find the real Bob Mansfield or he will tear you apart like fresh bread. Now you can’t think of anything else but trying to identify the soft sound of Mansfield’s heady breath.

In Matt Rosoff’s brief demo with the HoloLens, he learned how to install a light switch by having an expert instruct him on what to do by speaking to him via the headset...

Gone will be the days of having to buy those For Dummies books! Instead, a professional will instruct you on how to shut off the circuit breaker first, then unscrew the front panel of the switch with a flat head screwdriver, being careful to zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Leave it to Microsoft to come up with an exciting use case like home electrical repair.

NOTE TO MEDIA IN ATTENDANCE: DOORS WILL BE LOCKED AND NO ONE WILL BE SEATED DURING THE THRILLING “CENTRAL HEAT AIR FILTER REPLACEMENT INSTRUCTIONS” SCENARIO!

Luckily for Apple, there is still time. All the current augmented- and virtual-reality headsets from Microsoft, Magic Leap, and Oculus are still in their respective “prototype” stages.

Oh, you don’t say. You mean the technology of tomorrow is actually the technology of two, three, eh, maybe five years from now?

Apple won’t get the benefit of saying it was “first,” but there’s still time to make the best augmented-reality product possible.

Because of all those augmented reality headsets that are shipping currently from Apple’s competitors and everyone is enjoying adklfjadlifjadlkfajd;fijadf

People said Apple was missing out on smartphones. People said Apple was missing out on netbooks. People said Apple was missing out on tablets. People said Apple was missing out on wearables.

Don’t listen to people.

To comment on this article and other Macworld content, visit our Facebook page or our Twitter feed.
Shop Tech Products at Amazon
Notice to our Readers
We're now using social media to take your comments and feedback. Learn more about this here.