You’re doing it wrong: A negative Watch review, hold the hate

Macalope

The Macalope’s been blasting his anti-Watch diatribe zone pretty hard over the last few months and it’s really starting to show. He’s never looked more fit.

But his personal trainer and life coach, Esteban, recently suggested he’s been neglecting his logicus maximus. It lacks tone and groans at the slightest strain. Fortunately, it turns out there are opinion pieces about the Apple Watch that are negative without being completely jacktastic. Take this piece by Evan Niu at Money.

“Why I’m Returning My Apple Watch”

Is it the most pointless device you’ve ever owned? Is it the physical manifestation of Apple’s arrogance as well as every ill of our consumer-based economy? Did an Apple Watch kill your brother?

I’m not saying the Apple Watch is overall a bad product. It’s just not for me. Not yet.

No, no, Evan, honey, this is no good. You’re supposed to explain why the Watch is terrible and is not right for anyone because of your personal experience.

The Macalope is going to sign you up for Rob Enderle’s 12-Step Program to Apple Jerkery. You can thank him later.

While it’s undeniably an added convenience to get notifications on my wrist, the value of that convenience doesn’t quite justify the price tag when it was becoming one of the primary uses of the device. I needed the Apple Watch to be something more.

That’s reasonable. The Macalope finds the entire package of the Apple Watch worth it to him but, as he’s said, he doesn’t recommend it for everyone. watchOS 2.0 will up the ante as will new hardware, whenever that comes.

But, seriously, what are the chances the Apple Watch will get better? No, no, the proper response is to assume it will always be just as it is. Only competing devices will get better over time. That’s Punditry 101.

…Apple Watch didn’t really motivate me to get up and out in the way I had hoped. Besides, there are plenty of other devices that offer comprehensive health and fitness tracking for a whole lot less, albeit with the potential trade-off of having to wear two things on my wrist.

What is this cost/benefit crap, Evan? Seriously, what is the Macalope even supposed to do with this? It’s almost like you’re evaluating all the options based on their relative merits instead of only looking at the drawbacks of the Apple device and declaring it a failure.

You’ll never get anywhere in the Apple punditry business like that, young man.

I’m not ready to spend $400 to adopt a product with some early (although not entirely unexpected) shortcomings, only to get locked into the inevitable and ongoing upgrade cycle that’s associated with all tech gadgets.

It is an unfortunate fact of life that as Apple and other companies introduce new classes of products, our personal income does not exhibit an equal increase. At least the Macalope’s hasn’t.

If the rest of you are getting “cost of gadget buying” increases don’t tell the horny one, he doesn’t want to hear it.

Even though I’m returning this one, I’m confident that I’ll buy the next one — and keep it.

The Macalope likes your optimism, but nobody has to get an Apple Watch. You don’t have to like it. And, as you’ve shown, you can explain why you don’t like it without trying to claim there’s no reason anyone should like it.

For a while it seemed like that was maybe impossible but, no, it won’t actually shatter the quantum state of our reality.

To comment on this article and other Macworld content, visit our Facebook page or our Twitter feed.
Shop Tech Products at Amazon
Notice to our Readers
We're now using social media to take your comments and feedback. Learn more about this here.