Android wins again: Future features beat Apple every time

Macalope

Android’s future is always so bright it must certainly be wearing shades, must it not?

Writing for the reportedly confirmed bipedal life forms over at Business Insider, Rafi Letzter says “This is about to be the best reason to switch from iPhone to Android.” (Tip o’ the antlers to Bradley B Bear and Nathan Larsen.)

What is “this”? Is it peer pressure? A dare resulting from your problem binge drinking? A desire to have your family released by the open source splinter cell holding them hostage?

We could speculate pointlessly all day or just read on.

The Macalope’s read this piece and it’s kind of a toss-up, actually.

Probably the hottest point of contention in the Tech Insider newsroom is…

…who can hold a 9 volt battery against their tongue the longest? Jerry was literally a circus geek back in the ‘90s so he’s got experience on his side, but Miranda is freak-ay. Then there’s Crazy Ned who’s been “writing” his “articles” on one of those fake furniture showroom laptops for the past eight years. He hasn’t produced a thing but we haven’t been paying him, either.

Anyway, it’s $20 to get into the pool.

…whether Android or iOS is the better ecosystem.

Oh. That.

But Google is on the verge of striking a major blow in the ease-of-use wars…

Google: Perpetually six months away from complete victory. They should use that as their slogan now that “Don’t be evil” is… well… you know.

Ask the average iPhone user why they stick with Apple's increasingly boring, expensive lineup…

There’s a link in “increasingly boring” that the Macalope’s not including but it goes to a video piece titled “Sorry Apple fans — the iPhone 7 is going to be boring”.

Facts. Time-traveling facts.

Ugh, the Macalope’s already itchy and we still don’t know what “this” is.

But Google is on the verge of striking a major blow in the ease-of-use wars: Project Abacus, Google's plan to do away with smartphone passwords almost entirely.

How are they going to do that? Why, by measuring more of your personal data, that’s how! Seems kind of obvious in retrospect, doesn’t it?

With Abacus, due to release in the next several months, Android devices will keep track of biometric markers like walking gate, typing patterns, the look of your face, your location…

A blood sample. Your human genome. A lock of your hair. The feel of your breath on Google’s face as it lies down next to you while you sleep.

But nothing creepy.

(For the record, the Macalope made those up. He thinks, anyway.)

…and other things to build an up-to-the moment "trust score"  — a degree of certainty that the person holding your phone is in fact you.

Now, remember, a person can be compelled by the government to put their thumb on a phone to unlock it, but they can’t be compelled to provide the passcode to the phone. Surely either this piece or the other piece Letzter links to about Abacus tells us about this salient fact and whether or not it's applicable to NNNNNNNNNOPE. Huh. Well, then, surely one of them notes that there are some concerns with an advertising company possibly tracking all this important biometric, location and usage data and the potential for misusing NNNNNNNNNOPE.

Look up. There is nothing but pie as far as the eye can see. It is incorrect to say “pie in the sky” because there is so much pie that the sky is no longer there. Now the sun’s rays are being blotted out. Already the plants and animals are dying. Welcome to the Pie Winter that will be end of the human race as we know it.

…iPhones get less and less interesting compared to premium Galaxies and HTCs…

Apple is surely doomed before the HTC juggernaut.

…Abacus is exactly the kind of standout feature that could cause buyers on the fence to flip.

Yeah. OK, it’s very possible that this will be a great feature and people will really like how convenient it is. However, while it’s a sign that you’re still alive that you look forward to new things, it’s not like Abacus is utterly devoid of potential drawbacks that are worth mentioning. Nor is it impossible that Apple could implement its own version of this feature. It’s nice to get excited, but try to stay realistic.

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