It’s always something: The Apple earnings show

Macalope

Apple announced its quarterly earnings this week and beat analysts’ estimates so surely everyone is well-satisfied by the company’s performance and…

What’s that? Oh, hang on, CNBC has something to say.

“Apple’s earnings beat has some analysts worried it was too impressive.” (Tip o’ the antlers to Philip Speicher.)

Welp.

Apple's forecast-beating earnings Tuesday left some analysts worried it's selling too many of its lower cost iPhone SE model and needs to diversify its current portfolio of smartphones.

It also left analysts wondering how many hot dogs they could shove into their mouths. That one guy got 17! Wow!

No follow-up question from him, of course.

Before we go too far, let’s look at the level of discourse about Apple you can find if you accidentally turn the channel to CNBC and your remote breaks at that exact moment and you are left only to view the horror unfolding before your eyes. As MacJournals noted shortly before this quarter’s conference call with analysts, TechnoBuffalo’s Jonathan Rettinger was on CNBC offering these pearls of wisdom.

CNBC analyst: Apple is missing out because it’s not involve at all in virtual reality. Seriously.

Everyone’s making huge money in VR these days. It’s all VR. This article? VR. Your spouse or significant other? VR. Cupcakes? 100 percent VR.

Same guy: Apple isn’t in 360VR, fast charging, wireless charging, 4K phones. @jonfortt: but people aren’t buying those things!

You have to pity Jon Fortt, who often seems like a man being slowly driven insane by these appearances.

"Margins went down, they sold a lot more iPhones SE than they had expected to, and Apple needs to be very careful of that," Moor Insights & Strategy's Patrick Moorhead told CNBC Wednesday.

Apple needs to be careful about selling more devices. SELL FEWER DEVICES, APPLE! Good advice.

Despite beating estimates…

The Macalope is so old he can remember when beating analysts’ estimates was the MOST IMPORTANT THING EVER. By which he means he is older than one quarter old.

(No, you stop using that construction.)

(And that one.)

Chief Executive Tim Cook said in a conference call that the strategy of launching the lower cost iPhone SE was working and attracting customers to Apple's ecosystem.

Remember when everyone was yelling about how Apple needed to sell a cheaper phone to bring in more customers? So 2014, bro.

There’s always a reason to not invest in Apple. There isn’t always a good one. Or even one that doesn’t contradict the other ones.

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