The worst of times: Looking back on Apple’s year

Macalope

We’re counting down the days to the end of 2016. (Don’t let the door hit you on the way out, 2016! Or do. We don’t care. Just go.) Let the hyperbolic analysis of Apple’s very bad awful year begin!

Writing for Recode, Ina Fried complains that “All Apple gave us in 2016 was a thinner iPhone, a touch bar and too many dongles.” (Tip o’ the antlers to @JonyIveParody.)

Let’s face it, it wasn’t Apple’s best year.

OK, yes. That’s fair. Frankly, though, 2016 wasn’t great for most people. Or mammals in general.

Shrimp also had a bad year. Rocks are deeply regretting what happened in 2016.

As 2016 draws to a close, it’s worth noting just how little came from the world’s most valuable company.

Updated MacBooks, completely new MacBook Pro, new Apple Watch, operating system updates for four platforms, iPhone 7, iPhone SE and the AirPods. Maybe not up to the standard of Apple’s best years, but still not that shabby.

On the Mac side, Apple’s biggest change was the new MacBook Pro — a design that arguably alienated as many Mac diehards as it attracted.

Since they’re still backordered 1-2 weeks, that’s probably a pretty weak argument.

the decision to include just one kind of port on the machine left many professional users unhappy and scrambling for dongles.

Scrambling For Dongles is the name of the Macalope’s ironic synth pop band.

Professional users have some valid complaints about the current state of the Mac. Maybe 2017 will reveal if this was just a pause or a real change in strategy.

Meanwhile, Apple’s answer to the missing headphone jack, the AirPods, suffered a very un-Apple-like delay.

Delays are not exactly Apple’s signature move, but they’re not completely unheard of, either. In 2007, Apple delayed the release of Mac OS X Leopard by four months.

And just as importantly, Apple didn’t break into any new areas. There was no Apple Car, of course, but also nothing on virtual or augmented reality, nor any meaningful breakthroughs on the health front.

Where are the cartooflers? Where are the hinglers? Where are the honxes, kontonxes and dinglers?

None of those are markets that are really taking off yet. It’s not exactly missing anything so far. While 2016 wasn’t Apple’s best year, it wasn’t its worst, either. And the company that still takes home tremendous amounts of profit and has a huge pile of cash might just be OK.

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