This time for sure: Are Apple critics finally right?

Macalope

The 2 billionth time must be the charm because Apple’s critics have been declared “right” by the Wall Street Journal.

Christopher Mims explains “Why Apple’s Critics Are Right This Time.” (Tip o’ the antlers to @papanic, Nathan Larsen and @JonyIveParody.)

First of all, saying “Apple’s critics are right” is like saying “Eating mold is delicious.” Blue cheese might be delicious, but most molds that are not. (In this analogy, Rob Enderle is the black mold of Apple critics.)

Almost since the birth of Apple Inc., critics have declared it was headed in the wrong direction.

Critics like… Christopher Mims! Mims said just a year and a half ago that Apple should kill off the Mac. Is this criticism now also correct? Because it sure wasn’t then. No, it is still not correct, not even according to Mims. Ironically, Mims now cites “neglect of the Mac line of computers” as one of the criticisms that’s now correct.

Also still incorrect is the time back in 2012 when Mims said “Apple has peaked — for real, this time. For real, they had not. It’s very confusing trying to keep up on what criticisms of Apple are currently valid and which have been resigned to the memory hole.

In 1997, when the company was 90 days from bankruptcy and Steve Jobs returned to save it, that criticism was correct. While things aren’t remotely as bad today, Apple’s critics are correct again.

Why, you’d have to go all the way back to 2014 to find comparable revenue and profit results for Apple! Please, bring out the novelty-sized giant fork and stick it in the side of One Infinite Loop. Will the last person out of Cupertino please turn out the lights?

So, for “aren’t remotely as bad” read “still freakin’ incredible.”

Mims’ main argument focuses on Siri and how lame it is compared to other virtual assistants like Alexa (which only speaks English and German). Not surprisingly, the only place you’ll find the word “privacy” on the page containing Mims’ article is the link to the Journal’s privacy policy. Privacy is the word that must never be spoken when discussing the merits of virtual assistants, because it’s obvious Apple’s the only one that cares about it.

While Apple might be behind in this market, it’s helpful to recall the netbook criticism of 2009. Apple’s behind, pundits cried! It’ll never catch up! Even their own fans are hacking netbooks to run OS X! Then Apple made the iPad and lightweight laptops that weren’t pieces of crap and now nobody talks about netbooks anymore.

There’s no denying that 2016 was not Apple’s best year and, yes, some criticism of the company is, as always, warranted. Also, it’s less the current state of affairs than the trend that’s concerning. But as is usually the case with Apple, things aren’t as dire as they’re made out to be.

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