Fake news: Bad rumors on the iPhone 8

They aren’t news, but they might be true. But they probably won’t.

Macalope

Have you heard the bad news? That smartphone that you think you might want to buy will be terrible. It’s true.

True-ish.

Well, there’s a chance it could happen.

Actually, it probably won’t.

But what is “news” anyway if not speculation that is probably wrong? Right?

Writing for the Forbes contributor network and scratch-and-dent sale of the mind, Gordon Kelly says “New iPhone 8 Details Will Anger Users.” (Tip o’ the antlers to @mylestaylor, Philip Speicher and Nate Ardle.)

If you’re not angry about a phone that you haven’t seen and hasn’t even been announced yet, well, are you even alive?

Pieces by members of the Forbes contributor network come with this important disclaimer:

Opinions expressed by Forbes Contributors are their own.

Seriously, no one else shares these opinions. We checked and… nope. You’d think that maybe one person would but… It’s like a freak of nature opinion factory.

Exciting leaks and images about 2017’s new iPhones have users so excited…

Exciting leaks excite! Very exciting.

But the latest news from financial giants JPMorgan Chase will leave users feeling far from happy…

Boy, that devolved quickly. Also, we have very different ideas about what constitutes “news.”

Kelly has essentially re-typed this piece from 9to5Mac and put a more salacious headline on it. That’s the “value add” you get here. Kelly conveniently neglects to re-type this bit, which 9to5Mac puts close to the top:

JPMorgan’s success rate with Apple rumors is sketchy and only recently claimed Apple would announce the new iPhone next month, so treat what it says with a good deal of skepticism.

Huh. Weird. Seems like that might be worth knowing. OH, WELL.

The only part of the rumor Kelly takes exception to is the idea that Apple will include AirPods with the iPhone 8, because to date, Apple has been unable to keep up with demand.

…the thought Apple could fix this to the extent that AirPods will be supplied in the 60-80M iPhone 8 units Apple is predicted to sell in its first quarter is comical.

Normally this would be where the Macalope would insert a spit take but he simply didn’t have any form of beverage in his mouth when he was reading that. It still doesn’t mean it’s not coming to us directly from the cupola in the town square in downtown Bananaville.

Apple’s biggest iPhone quarter ever was the fourth calendar quarter of last year when they sold 78.2 million iPhones. There is no way they will sell “60-80” million units of a phone that’s expected to start at $1,000. But the Macalope certainly looks forward to Forbes’s headline about disappointing iPhone 8 sales when the company fails to clear those ridiculously high goal posts.

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