Double header: Twice the ire about upcoming products

Macalope

Does it ever seem odd to you that the Macalope can, eh, sorta make a living covering bad coverage of Apple?

Admittedly, alfalfa doesn’t cost much. And the Macalope just has this one suit. But, even so… a little weird, right? But rare is the day that the Macalope doesn’t have at least one piece to write about and many is the day he has his choice. Some days he even has his choice of pieces from the same pundit. Like today.

Writing for the Forbes contributor network and sandwich artist academy, Ewan Spence brings forth a veritable cornucopia of contrived claptrap.

“New iPhone Leak Reveals Apple's Backup Plan.” (Tip o’ the antlers to @JonyIveParody.)

Apple’s “backup plan” according to Spence is the 2017 iPhone, the iPhone 7s. This is like fielding your starting lineup instead of putting in that up-and-coming rookie and the announcer says “Well, looks like the team is going with Plan B!”

No, this was Plan A! Just because you wanted to see Plan B, that doesn’t make it Plan A.

Snapped alongside the 2017 flagship is the handset that will save Apple from the twin embarrassment of a late arriving and ridiculously high-priced smartphone.

That’s right, the 2018 iPhone 8 is arriving “late” by which we mean 10 months early. Point of fact: Apple, obviously, never set a date for the release of the iPhone 8. But if it had it would have been in the fall of next year, not this year, based on the announcement schedule it’s had for years. Anything before that is early not late, the misplaced expectations of pundits based on rumors notwithstanding.

Also, it will cost about what you’d expect for a phone with its specs and storage. All of this will be very embarrassing for Apple.

The point is, publishing the articles, not that they make sense. That is the point. Spence sweet bicep tat reads: “Write ‘em all, let God sort ‘em out.”

Spence’s other piece is available in two different flavors: jerky and extra-jerky.

“Beware The New MacBook Pro At WWDC.”

“New MacBook Pro Leak Will Anger Everyone.”

(Tip o’ the antlers to Philip Speicher.)

Both of those are the same article. What are you supposed to be Macangry about? Well…

If Tim Cook and his team do refresh the three main product lines, then those who have bought into the ‘new Macs’ are going to be facing a curious slice of buyers remorse.

Turns out, time does not stop when you buy a Mac! Who knew? It seems like the prudent thing for Apple to do whenever you buy a device is simply shut down that line and go out of business so you’ll know what you’ve bought will always be the latest and the greatest.

If Apple does update the MacBook Pro, it won’t be without precedent. Apple introduced the 3rd generation iPad in March of 2012 and then the 4th just seven months later. As far as controversies go, this one’s going to need to go back for a rewrite. It lacks punch.

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