Roundabouts: Go around and around on the Apple Car

macalope
Credit: IDG

The great thing about Apple rumors is they’re like a perpetual motion machine; every drip from the faucet lets you rewrite your preconceptions about the rumored thing Apple is working on.

“Apple is so far behind on self-driving technology that it might never catch up.” (Tip o’ the antlers to Philip Speicher.)

Yes, Apple is way behind on car technology and Matthew DeBord is on it, over and over again. He also said Apple should be afraid of the TAG Heuer Connected smartwatch which has nothing to do with cars but is worth mentioning because the Macalope intends to show that it gets to motive, your honor.

Also, it’s just funny. I mean, really, who writes that?

Apple's automotive ambitions have been pivoting wildly recently.

They’re spinning their wheels. Doing donuts in the parking lot of technology. They’re on that wheelie thing at the emissions check and going nowhere.

What’s the latest hubbub? The “news” that Apple is renting six cars from Hertz. Have you stopped the presses yet? They should be on full stop as we all speculate on what this means for Apple’s autonomous electric laser cars.

Neither Hertz nor Apple commented on the news, so it's difficult to draw a conclusion about what exactly Apple is planning, but…

BUT, let’s do exactly that with the help of our little friend, Mr. Imagination!

Say hello to our friends, Mr. Imagination!

“I AM IMAGITRON THE DESTRUCTOR, BROUGHT FORTH UPON THIS WORLD TO VANQUISH YOUR FUTURES BEFORE THEY…”

Uh, OK, well… yes.

…there's a connection of sorts with Waymo's announcement that it will partner with Avis…

And, thus, we have gone from hesitating at the top of the hot metal playground slide to sliding down it screaming “OWIE, OWIE, OWIE, MY LEGS!”

…it's yet another indication that Apple doesn't have its act together with autonomy.

Turns out it’s not that difficult to draw conclusions if you just let yourself be the clown horn you want to see in the world.

The Macalope is so old he remembers when Apple was said to be woefully behind in AR. Which is to say he is more than four weeks old. Will the same happen to Apple’s car aspirations? Heck if the horny one knows. And heck if we know anything worth mentioning after this “news”.

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