Rumor gullibility: Don’t fall for it

macalope
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Hey, does anyone need an object lesson in why you shouldn’t draw too many conclusions from Apple rumors?

That’s a rhetorical question. Because some people need one. Bad.

Have you heard about this upcoming “smartphone” from Apple called…

[Pretends to check notes but doesn’t really. In fact, there are no notes, the Macalope is flipping through the most recent issue of Ungulant Quarterly.]

…the “iPhone 8”? Maybe you have, it has been lightly mentioned in the Apple press of late and hahahaha, no, it’s all pundits talk about.

If you have then you probably know that the iPhone 8 is in big trouble. There are so many ways in which it in very verifiable and easy-to-show trouble, but let’s look at two in particular.

First, the iPhone 8 (ugh, such a disaster) will be unbelievably ugly because the screen will be edge-to-edge with a cutout at the top for the camera and sensors. Please, Apple, don’t call it the “iPhone 8” or “iPhone Pro”, call it the “Horrible Travesty Phone” because that’s what it is. Surely what everyone will do is focus on the top of the screen where they will almost certainly not be able to see the cutout on the home screen because the menu bar will be black and the only time you’ll see the cutout is when on the lock screen. They certainly won’t instead be enjoying the bottom of the screen where Apple may make some great strides in usability.

You know how people are.

If you don’t have time or the will to go on and read that linked piece, it’s by Allen Pike who provides some interesting speculation on how Apple might be moving menu items to the bottom of the screen on either side of the virtual home button on the iPhone 8 (though Pike prefers the “iPhone Pro” appellation). That way they’ll be easier to reach, and it leaves more room on the screen for other things.

Anyway, though, super ugly, no reason to do it, burn it all to the ground.

Second, not only does the iPhone 8 taste terrible, it comes in such small portions! That is to say, it will be “late”, according to supply chain rumors which are never wrong. It’s simply unacceptable that what would normally be the 2018 iPhone will only arrive late in 2017. Very bad sign for Apple. And they call Tim Cook a supply chain genius. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.

Except… about that. Apple had its quarterly conference call this week aaaaand guesssss whaaaat…

“strong Sept-qtr guide that effectively implies NO iPhone launch delay despite myriad of blog and supplier commentary to the contrary” Duh.

Of course, it’s possible Apple’s guidance is wrong and that the iPhone 8 won’t arrive “on time”. But this still contradicts the rumor that it’ll be “late”.

So. What have we learned?

Pundits, sullenly: “We learned not to believe all the rumors we read.”

Yes. That’s right. Let’s remember that for next time.

(Just kidding. They didn’t learn a thing.)

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