Apple announced some stuff. Let's go to the pundit playbook.
This is what happens when you overdo an analogy.
Apple caught engaging in shocking behavior!
Some people apparently don't think much of the Apple Watch. Very surprising.
Apple announced a watch on Tuesday. Somehow the reviews were coming in before that.
Could this be the last "Apple must make a new phone!" piece we'll ever read?
Why write rational criticism when you can go nuts?
Just making things up is the new science.
Let's talk about how many pretend devices Apple might sell.
Silly pundits performing silly tricks for your entertainment.
How do you make an iPhone story out of nothing? Pump up the hyperbole!
Is everyone already bored by the iPhone 6?
Dubious claims! They're what make the world of Apple punditry go 'round.
Apple should totally get in on that race to the bottom.
Have you guys heard about this market share thing? It's apparently the most important thing ever.