iOS

The iPhone H8: Gonna be so boring

The Macalope is sorry to report that Apple will be shipping another iPhone this year. Ugh. Sorry.

Writing for the Forbes contributor network and cut-rate bar mitzvah DJ training academy, Ewan Spence tells us how the “Disappointing iPhone 8 Leaks Are Key To Apple's Boring Success.” (Tip o’ the antlers to SamT, David V, Philip Speicher and @JonyIveParody.)

Dullesville, Calif. Population: Apple. Main exports: these boring iPhones no one likes.

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iOS

Past isn’t prologue: Apple isn’t today’s Microsoft

Remember how iOS versus Android was just like the Mac versus Windows? Well, if you loved that old hit… you’re probably reading the wrong column. But pundits have a new spin on it that still makes no sense: Apple is Microsoft!

See, they were Apple and got trounced by Microsoft and they were going to be Apple again but this time get trounced by Google but instead they’re Microsoft. It all makes sense when you read this pamphlet and relinquish all your worldly possessions.

Writing for the Forbes contributor network and incurable myopia clinic, Adam Hartung describes “Tim Cook's 'Ballmer-ization' Of Apple.” (Tip o’ the antlers to @JonyIveParody.)

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iOS

Timeflop: The iPhone 8 has pre-problems

Rumors about this year’s bumper crop of iPhones are starting to emerge and if you were worried that no one would tell us what’s wrong with them, never fear, the fine people and Javascript ads and Where’s Waldo enthusiasts at Business Insider are on it.

“The iPhone 8 will likely have wireless charging—but that could make it prone to overheating.” (Tip o’ the antlers to @designheretic.)

IT’LL NEVER WORK.

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iOS

Mythperceptions: No, Apple is actually pretty good at design

You know that thing you think you know? Well, what if the Macalope told you that it was wrong?

Turns out it’s not, but what if he were to tell you that it is? Well, you don’t have to ask because, writing for The Atlantic, Ian Bogost is here to tell us about “The Myth of Apple's Great Design.” (Tip o’ the antlers to Draino Runkster, @papanic and Peter Ryan.)

Apple has great design is the biggest myth in technology today.

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