iOS

Fury road: ‘Error 53’ is more a feature than a bug

Some iPhones have experienced an error that can lock the phone so cry “Havoc!”, and let slip the dogs of war!

For “war” read: “Rush some hyperbolic claptrap to print and try to rake in some easy hits.”

The Guardian claims “‘Error 53’ fury mounts as Apple software update threatens to kill your iPhone 6’.” (Tip o’ the antlers to Phil Bayley Hughes.)

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iOS

Professor, teach thyself: Misunderstanding Apple’s business

Today the Macalope brings some good news for certain students of higher education out there: If you have this one professor it’s totally OK to sleep in and miss class. Actually, you’ll learn more that way.

Writing for the Forbes contributor network and all-you-can-eat animal lips and snouts buffet, Andrew Cave asks:

“Will Apple Go From Darling To Dud?” (Tip o’ the antlers to @JonyIveParody.)

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iOS

Taking the cake: Always declare a winner when it best suits you

Apple announced its quarterly earnings this week and, while the company reported record earnings — AGAIN — its outlook for next quarter is the most conservative in years.

The takeaway is that the company is in fine shape but faces some real challenges. Some, like unfavorable currency exchange rates, are nothing it can do anything about. Others like declining iPad sales and slowing iPhone sales growth either need to be addressed or Apple needs to figure out where its next growth with come from, something it’s surely already doing.

So, after that staid and sensible analysis, who’s ready for the dumbest framing of Apple’s results ever?!

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iOS

Raising the Apple Car: Who should do it?

Hey, kids! Who likes car puns?!

That’s right! No one!

For the second time this week, Matthew DeBord is back writing for the lovely people and social media buttons and gelatinous cubes and that one weird thing that no one can figure out what it is—is it a mer-man or some sort of mutated porpoise?—at Business Insider.

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iOS

A case of the Suppostahs: What’s the Apple Watch supposed to be?

Are you sitting down? The Macalope hopes so because someone at Business Insider has something bad to say about the Apple Watch.

OH, GOD, THERE GOES MABEL’S TICKER.

Writing for the fine people and smartwatch experts and golems roughly fashioned out of clay and ill-kempt howler monkeys at Business Insider, Matthew DeBord says “Apple's partnership with Hermès shows that the tech company has no idea what the Apple Watch is supposed to be.”

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