Simple answers: They’re for simple people

Are you in the Tim Cook replacement pool yet? Better hurry, all the good replacements are getting taken. While Apple’s quarter can only be described as bad for one company—Apple—the question is (somehow) not whether or not Tim Cook should be replaced, but simply who should replace him.

Writing for The Washington Post, Vivek Wadhwa explains “Why Tesla is the spark that Apple needs.” (Tip o’ the antlers to Paul Salzman.)

See, Apple’s earnings announcement was “dismal” and “it badly needs to rethink its innovation model and leadership,” ergo Musk. That’s pretty much the depth of the thinking there.

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Start making sense: In your Apple criticism

Hey, how about if, when we criticize Apple, the things we complain about are real problems instead of zany top ten or twenty six lists? Let’s just try it once and if pundits don’t like it they can, uh, quit writing about Apple entirely.

Writing for The Guardian, Steve Rose attempts to provide “A brief guide to everything that’s annoying about Apple.” (Tip o’ the antlers to Aaron Fisher, Eric Díaz, @papanic and Nathan Larsen.)

The list is not brief, most of the items not annoying.

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A bad quarter for Apple: Is a great one for anyone else

Apple’s most recent quarterly results were less than spectacular but, while that’s probably better news for its competitors than its usual continual record-setting, don’t schedule the victory parade yet.

Writing for the Forbes contributor network and candy cane freebasing den, Ewan Spence says “A Weakened Apple Is Vulnerable To Samsung's Attack.” (Tip o’ the antlers to @JonyIveParody.)


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Over-the-top: Making your Apple Watch diatribe stand out

It’s the one-year anniversary of the Apple Watch’s introduction and you know that scene in The Lord of the Rings where there’s an avalanche of skulls? Well, it’s the same thing only with thought pieces.

How do you stand out from the crowd? Well, one way is to crank it up to 11 like Gizmodo’s Casey Chan.

“My God-Awful Year With the Apple Watch.” (No link but a tip o’ the antlers to David Chartier and David Barnard.)

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Disservice: Ignoring Apple’s efforts

You know, the Macalope often wonders if Apple suddenly ceased to exist, would the Internet deflate like a balloon without the need for pundits to give it advice anymore?

And if that happened would it make a giant squeaking sound or would it be more of a “PPPPPBBBBBLLLLLLPPPP” as it flew around the room?

So many things to think about. Apple analysis isn’t as easy as it looks.

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Killing it: Apple isn’t killing the Mac

Apple updated the MacBook this week and if there’s one thing the modest-ness of the update clearly shows it’s how “Apple’s Not So Secret Strategy To Kill The Mac Could Boost Windows.”

Are you smellin’ what Rob Enderle is cookin’?!

If so, please seek medical attention immediately as smelling what Rob Enderle is cooking can lead to nausea, burning of the nasal passages and the condition known as “grandma arms”.

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