The anti-Beatitudes: Calling Apple a religion

Put on your special underwear and get ready to cut a goat! No, not because our Apple religion calls us to those practices but because arguing Apple is a religion just drives a Macalope to do some crazy stuff.

This haranguing of the Apple masses is brought to us by Emma-Kate Symons writing at Quartz about ”The canonization of St. Steve of Cupertino” (tip o’ the antlers to Rajesh)

Warning: The first five rows will get sprayed in the face with a firehose full of hackneyed religious references! Aaaand all the rest of the rows, too.

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Zombie ideas: All upcoming Apple products are presumed DOA

The Macalope loves the weeks leading up to a new Apple product launch, when pundits are almost literally crawling over each other like zombies climbing a wall to be the next to proclaim how its totally doomed. In their defense, it's a lot harder to write this stuff with a straight face after these devices ship.

Writing for the Motley Fool, Timothy Green declares "Apple's $10,000 Watch is Dead on Arrival" (tip o' the antlers to @JonyIveParody)

Is it a terrible burden to be clairvoyant? The Macalope imagines it must be.

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Digerati, heal thyself: Blaming our shortcomings on our devices

The Apple Watch won’t be here for weeks but that’s good because according to the New York Times editorial page we’ll need that time to collect some rocks so we can stone it.

”Digital Dog Collar” (tip o’ the antlers to Shawn King)

Thank goodness we have protectors of our very humanity like Timothy Egan who can rush to the pages of the nation’s greatest newspaper to burn the witches of technology as they arise.

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An opinion too far: Asking the wrong people about the Apple Watch

Apple held an event this week in part to reveal more details about the Apple Watch so let us turn to eWeek for reactions that no one in the whole entire world cares about.

”Apple Watch Gets Mixed Reactions From IT Analysts” (tip o’ the antlers to @JonyIveParody)

Yes, when considering the Apple Watch, what we must first determine is how will it scale in the enterprise with managed deployment in a Windows NT server-based zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

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