Do-nothings: Apple needs to ship more hot garbage

Would you be surprised to learn that Apple hasn’t innovated in almost a decade? You would. You probably wouldn’t be surprised to learn that someone is saying they haven’t, though.

Writing for the Washington Post, Vivek Wadhwa tells us all about “Why I’m skeptical about Apple’s future.” (Tip o’ the antlers to Philip Speicher.)

It probably doesn’t hurt that it’s sure-fire clickbait designed to get you invited to conferences and on TV and stuff. Probably.

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Unwanted: Every iPhone until now

Anyone ever read past the Macalope’s columns to his author description? There’s an interesting if little-exercised clause in there that reads:

…the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.

It doesn’t happen often, but it happens. Like, say, right now.

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Expectation overload: Grading the Apple Watch on a bad curve

It’s been out for almost a year and we’re still unpacking how much disappointment is inside the diminutive Apple Watch.

“Apple Watch isn’t a smash hit, but it could be a sleeper.” (Tip o’ the antlers to @JonyIveParody.)

Of course, given the state of the smartwatch market as it exists in our reality—as opposed to Universe 2184L, better know as the Bananaverse, the universe pundits think they live in—the Apple Watch is a smash hit.

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Lesson unlearned: Apple behind yet again

We’re on the cusp of the consumerization of another technology and you know what that means: Yes, Apple is late to the game yet again.

“Apple’s Virtual Reality Absence Would Be Like ‘Missing The iPhone’”

There’s this perpetual idea that because Apple doesn’t talk about what they’re working on, then they must be “late to the game”. Remember how that worked out for big phones and for smartwatches? Apple was “late to the game” on those and now does not sell large phones or smartwatches probably? Who knows, that’s almost impossible to figure out.

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Legends of Next Week: Reviewing iPhones that don’t exist yet

The Macalope doesn’t want to say you have to have seen the movie Primer in order to understand the complex time-travel related series of events that have brought us to the point where someone can criticize the features of a phone that doesn’t exist yet, but we will be delving into some deep…

Wait, it’s not Primer. It’s Time Cop. Sorry. The Macalope’s mistake. He got the scale all wrong. Spreadsheet error.

Writing for The Motley Fool, Ashraf Eassa tells us the time-twisting tale of “Why the Apple Inc. iPhone SE Should Have Had 3D Touch.” (Tip o’ the antlers to Kevin van Haaren.)

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Objection: Apple is not a monopoly

Turns out smartphone security is not the only thing people in Washington D.C. are willfully obtuse about. Writing for The Hill, Glenn B. Manishin says it’s “Time to prosecute Apple for monopolization.”

Sure. It’s 5 o’clock somewhere.

Really, if there was a time, it was 10 years ago when Apple had the digital music player market locked up. That time, however, is long past and Apple controls not a single market. Unless you’re talking about profit share, which you’re not.

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