Apple's missing out on X: Where X is whatever isn't shipping yet

The world of technology moves quickly and to stay ahead, one must constantly ride the waves of whatever’s coming next. This is why Apple is always behind and perpetually chastised for failing to deliver tomorrow’s technology today.

Wait, what?

“Right Now, Apple Risks Missing Out On The Next Big Thing In Technology” (tip o’ the antlers to @mylestaylor)

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The doom train: Nothing can stop Apple doom

Choo-choo! Apple reported record results this week, but that doom train keeps on a-chugging along! Donning the engineer’s cap is Forbes “contributor” Peter Cohan.

“6 Reasons Apple Is Still More Doomed Than You Think” (tip o’ the antlers to Carlton Swift)

You know, tax season is coming up. Is it possible to write off “contributions” from the Forbes “contributor” network? The Macalope shall have to remember to ask his accountant, Amy.

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The blame game: Everything is Apple's fault

Welcome to the world of Internet tech coverage. The big, stupid, stinky onion that is the world of Internet tech coverage.

The outside layer of this onion is benign. In this case, it’s an interview by the Telegraph with former Motorola CEO Dennis Woodside, who conducted Google’s $12.5 billion purchase of the company. [Correction: an earlier version of this story called Woodside the "architect" but that is not correct. Andy Rubin seems to have arranged the deal from Google's side while Woodside carried it out for the company.] This is the plain brown wrapper in which we will find the eye-watering mess that is the heart of Internet tech coverage.

This piece was picked up by Engadget, which extracts this from the interview:

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Goal posts of the imagination: Innovation means shipping

Let’s go back in time seven years. That was when the Macalope first wrote this:

It’s amazing how future Microsoft products beat current Apple products time and time again, isn’t it? You’d think Apple would have just given up by now.

That was in response to contentions that Windows Mobile 7 (which later shipped as Windows Phone) would crush the iPhone. Not that that context has anything to do with what we’re about to talk about. Cough.

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Never say never again: Putting words in Steve Jobs' mouth continues apace

The ghost of Steve Jobs is very angry with Apple. How do we know? People who didn’t know him say so. Who? People who write for the now-ironically named Boy Genius Report.

“Here’s why Apple’s upcoming ‘iPad Pro’ will be a failure, according to Steve Jobs”

Stick with the Macalope here because we’re about to take a mystical journey from the headline through the dark carnival that is the Boy Genius Report‘s twisted soul. Hang on to his hoof, dear reader, for this house of mirrors can try the mind and leave you questioning your sanity.

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Those who do not study history: Apple devices are usually different

There are many ways a device can fail. Writing for The Motley Fool, Tim Brugger finds a new one: By having other devices—devices it will actually compete against—fail.

“More Bad News for Apple Inc. Smart Watch” (tip o’ the antlers to @JonyIveParody)

More. There has already been much bad news for the Apple Watch and now there is even more. Facts are things you can read on the Internet. Provided you’re reading something other than the linked article.

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