Fringe theories

The Macalope , Macworld

In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.
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There was another of Apple’s Worldwide Developers Conferences this week and the pundits are here with their crackpot theories to tell us all about what Apple’s various announcements mean. (For certain values of “mean.”)

The Swiftonese Liberation Army

Writing for Bloomberg, Leonid Bershidsky plays psychologist.

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Beating a dead horse

The Macalope , Macworld

In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.
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This week the news is all about the announcements out of WWDC, but let’s turn the clock back to last week when Business Insider alumnus and Forbes “contributor” Pascal-Emmanuel Gobry was telling us (again) how dumb Apple is—this time writing for CITEworld. Possibly he keeps writing for different sites because he has to stay ahead of the logic police who have a warrant out for his arrest on multiple violations.

“The Apple-Beats disaster”

Disaster.

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I don't get it!

The Macalope , Macworld

In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.
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Monday’s WWDC keynote showed how a company can introduce no new paid products and yet still show exactly how its platforms are the most robust and vibrant on the market today.

First of all, Apple is basically fixing almost everything its users have said is broken in iOS and OS X. Second, it’s bringing its feature set up to near parity with Android with a slew of new APIs. Finally, it showered developers with new back-end features, business models and opportunities and, out of nowhere, an easier to use programming language.

The response from developers was, as you’d imagine, positive to the point of ecstatic. Not only was Apple making their jobs easier, it was potentially making them more lucrative. What’s not to like?

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32

Logical sandcastles

The Macalope , Macworld

In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.
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Pundits make such pretty sandcastles. But why do they make them so close to the shore? This week we’ll look at statements that quickly collapse under, well, if not their own weight then surely the raging tide of reality. Which, OK, is kind of what we do every week. But you try to make up a lead-in paragraph for these things one week after another. It’s hard.

Former biggest fan ever

CNN’s David Goldman explains “Why I broke up with Apple” (tip o’ the antlers to James Reberry).

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13

You lose

The Macalope , Macworld

In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.
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You will not be surprised to learn that the Applefail train rolls merrily along.

“Apple Overtaken by Google in Yet Another Category” writes The Motley Fool’s Sam Mattera. (No link because of Mattera’s repeat offender status, but tip o’ the antlers to @JonyIveParody.)

ZOMGurrd, the Macalope didn’t realize there were any left!

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7

VC mojo rising

The Macalope , Macworld

In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.
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Apple falls on yet another major index. Yeah, OK, it’s an imaginary index, but still …

“VC: Apple has largely lost its ‘mojo’” (tip o’ the antlers to @JonyIveParody).

Kudos, at least, to CNet’s Chris Matyszczyk for providing a sufficiently “get a load of this guy” take on former-Facebook-executive-turned-venture-capitalist Chamath Palihapitiya’s comments.

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Missed connections

The Macalope , Macworld

In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.
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Like lonely hearts looking for love in all the wrong places, these pundits are looking for answers in all the wrong places. Our first ad reads, “You: world’s largest and most successful technology company. Me: trying to jam you into a headline you don’t belong in.” Next up, “You: still largest digital music retailer. Me: getting basic facts wrong.” Finally, the Macalope thinks Microsoft executives are getting hot and bothered by the wrong relationship.

Obsession

The Macalope has never written a book full of silly pundit axioms, but were he to, this would be in the top five:

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